I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not particularly good with holidays which can be a bad thing during this time of the year since they start to pile up just as the year starts to wind down. Columbus Day, Bosses Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Chanukah, Kwanzaa (also known as Macacamas around the Allen household), Christmas, Boxing Day, News Years Eve (which isn’t really a holiday so much as an excuse)…and then we start all over again. It seems like only last year that there were plans to shelve Christmas in favor of some kind of secular Satan Worshipping BloodFest Orgy (they’re still working out the details of the new name. Stay tuned) but that seems to have fizzled out for the moment or at least until Bill O’Reilly needs to divert attention away from his soon-to-be-released IM’s with Mark Foley:
maf54: what r u wearing?
falafelfox: a towel 😉
maf54: do I make u horny?
falafelfox: u r a big tease. u have spectacular boobs.
maf54: no i dont (!?!) did u measure 4 me 🙂
falafelfox: so anyway I’d b rubbing your big boobs
maf54: i DONT have boobs!
falafelfox: this is good for u to have a little fantasy outlet
maf54: sounds like ur fantasy
falafelfox: ungh! ungh! unkh! unkh! Olberman …olbermannnnn!!!
Anyway, as I was saying, the holidays are changing right before our eyes as Lance Mannion points out, Halloween is soon to become Little Slutty Slut Slut Day:
But now professional Right Wing scold and hypocrite Mona Charen has found a whole new way to revive the anti-Halloween spirit.
Her take isn’t that Halloween teaches kids that witches are good. It’s that it teaches little girls to think witches are sexy.
Charen misread a New York Times article and came away convinced that this year gangs of pre-pubescent girls are going to show up on doorsteps all over America wearing little more than a black pointed hat, some gauze, and a lascivious grin.
And of course it’s all the fault of feminism and liberalism.
…and Mannion points out that, despite the best wishes and fantasies of Mona Plain and Stick-Up-Her-Butt, his daughter will not cut her conscience to fit this year’s fashions:
The ten year old’s going trick or treating with one of his classmates and best pals, and his literary collaborator, they’re writing a Digimon book together, and while he’s going to be dressed as a cop–his damned liberal parents at work there—she’s going to be…a princess.
I checked with Nancy Nall this morning to see what her daughter’s going to be this year. Nance’s daughter is about to turn 10, so she’s another one like my son’s pal who’s two years past what Charen says is childhood’s end.
Nance’s daughter is going as Little Red Riding Hood.
For the record, I’m sending the lovely and talented Casey off to school on October 31st as a Catholic schoolgirl, and I don’t care what Charen thinks about that. As the song says: “Whatever the Diocese wants, the Diocese gets.” Freaks.
slack-jawed chinless yokel known as Confederate Yankee informs us that Home Invasion Day is right around the corner and you best stock up on hollow points in case the little darlings show up at your doorstep shouting “Where’s the drugs at, bitch?” right after they kick the front door down.
Woodlots and fields across the United States are filling with hunters of game both large and small throughout the coming weeks as rifle and shotgun seasons start in many jurisdictions around the country, but every year about this time we also see an increaseâ€”at least anecdotallyâ€”of a number of home invasions as the holiday season approaches. â€˜Tis the season to be robbing.
As a result, it seems that as we get closer to the holidays, we see an increase in the number of potential firearms purchasers inquiring about home defense weapons for the first time.
Yes, Annie get your guns because the holiday season is upon us and nothing quite says holiday cheer like sprinkling a few armaments about the homestead just before the relatives hit town for food, folks, and firepower. Annoying uncle retelling stories from the Korean War where he and his loser generation only walked away with a tie and now look what happened? Pop a cap in his ass. Nephews making too much noise during Thanksgiving Lion’s game? Send them into the other room to play “What’s In Uncle’s Nightstand?” And who can forget the startled look on the rosey-cheeked carolers faces when you busted out the front door door screaming “Eat lead you little bastards!”.
It’s a holiday memory that never dies. Unlike those Good King Wenceslas-caroling freaks…