Face the Snark
for the week ending 10/7/06:
Synopsis: Rush Fox, a professor of ethics at Yale, is called upon by a fellow college secret society member to investigate a scandal that has erupted in the nation's capital. Four weeks prior to a major election, a well-respected Republican congressman has been accused of sexual improprieties with underaged congressional pages, forcing him to resign, ruining his career, driving the Republican party into a tailspin and ensuring that the Democrats regain the House and/or the Senate. The implications for the government, the pharmaceutical and military industries, and for rich people everywhere, pleads his friend, would be disastrous. Can Professor Fox find the wellsprings of these lies in time to save the election?
As he makes his way around the D.C. cocktail circuit, Professor Fox uncovers an unholy nexus of power, religion, and Hollywood corruption. His probing threatens to disrupt the ultra-secret Opie Day, a loosely knit organization of liberals, women, homosexuals, minorities, Jews, Episcopalians, Baptists, Catholics, World War II, Korean, Vietnam, and Iraq I & II veterans, retired generals, union workers, and the National Education Association, all hell-bent on the same goal: wresting control of Congress away from the Republicans and implementing their mad plan for peace, universal health care, and fiscal responsibility for the country.
As Fox draws closer to the truth, and with the support of the online conservative commentariat, he is joined by Joenas, an albino monk who was cast out of Opie Day because of his unwavering devotion to the President and the Iraq War, and French journalist David Rivulets, who seeks to recapture his glory days as a Beltway pundit. In a mad dash against time and the evil forces of justice, the three men discover the source of power in a basement caucus room in the Capitol Building, where a soft-spoken, Democratic grandmother from San Francisco named Nancy Pelosi heads up the secret organization and steers the United States on its path to an ill-advised liberation from right-wing ideals.
Yeah, I know. The truth is stranger than fiction.
However, as Travis G. at Sadly, No! illustrates, some people live in alternate realities:
This column is directed entirely to the sleazy, scuzzy, unprincipled and entirely Machiavellian Democratic political operative who helped design the careful plan resulting in the fingerprint-free leak of Mark Foley e-mails:
This whole Foley business is one of the most dazzling political plays in my or any other lifetime – like watching an unassisted triple play or a running back tossing a 90-yard touchdown pass on a double-reverse.
For reasons having to do almost entirely with funding the war in Iraq, I am profoundly concerned about the consequences of a Democratic takeover of the House of Representatives. But as a close student of American political gamesmanship, I so admire what you’ve accomplished that I almost have to root for a Democratic landslide in November.
Sometimes, you gotta wonder whether all that hair on J-Pod's back has somehow cut off the bloodflow to his brain.
The Rude One isn't so quick to get sucked up into the Foley-o imbroglio:
Again and again and again, Democrats forget the rule that Karl Rove lives by: "Everything they do is wrong; everything we do is right." And that's right down the fuckin' line. Every cloud has a silver lining. Every wet spot is a chance to gather DNA. Every fuck-up is an opportunity. Every sign of weakness must be exploited. That's because it's what fires up the base. It's gonna happen on the Mark Foley debacle. Right now everyone's running around without Rove's black leather gloved slap of guidance. But soon, Rove will figure out how to spin this into something to attack Democrats with.
The Editors at The Poor Man Institute gives us a quick primer on pedophilia.
Kvatch at If I Ran the Zoo prepares the Republicans for the grieving process, while Atttaturk at Rising Hegemon prepares the counter-assault. The 110% heterosexual General J.C. Christian, Jesus' General, explains the "measuring" comment Foley made in his instant messages. And TBogg provides the proper signage for the Florida congressional election, now that Mr. Foley is IM-ing from rehab.
Uggabugga's Quiddity puts it all in perspective.
Elsewhere in the ether:
Shakespeare's Sister gives the mainstream media a nice bitchslap wake-up call. After all, Keith Olbermann can't do it all by himself.
Roy Edroso at alicublog bitchslaps John "It's Okay if the Girls are Underaged" Derbyshire's interpretation of Christianity in the wake of the Amish country shootings, and August J. Pollack wryly notes that the NRA channeled more money into the Pennsylvania races after the girls' funerals.
The mysterious, disappearing act that is The Kenosha Kid unties one of the strings on Michelle Malkin's bikini.