Doctor: What you need is a good, long rest. I suggest Florida.
Homer: Florida? But that’s America’s wang!
Doctor: They prefer, “The Sunshine State.”

Clarifying things for the Floridians:

The state that gave the world butterfly ballots and the hanging chad is headed for a new battle over whether and how voters should be told that disgraced former Rep. Mark Foley has dropped out of the Florida congressional race.

Foley, a six-term Republican congressman, resigned his office and checked into an alcohol rehab center last week after copies of his overly friendly messages to teen-age male congressional pages set off a scandal that could threaten his party’s majority in Congress.

Rules prohibit taking Foley’s name off the ballot so close to the Nov. 7 election. So the Republicans’ replacement nominee, Joe Negron, asked election supervisors to post signs at the polls telling voters that ballots cast for Foley will actually go to Negron.

Democrats cried foul, contending that such a notice is tantamount to posting a partisan political advertisement inside voting stations, which is not allowed.

“What they’re attempting to do is electioneering communications, which is illegal because you can’t do that within 100 feet of a polling place,” said Florida Democratic Party spokesman Mark Bubriski.


The suggested language has been used in other such cases, and reads:

“Due to a withdrawal of a candidate after the Primary Election which resulted in the substitution of a new candidate by the respective party: In the race for Representative In Congress, District 16, any vote cast for Mark Foley (REP) shall be counted as a vote for Joe Negron (REP).”

I was think more along the lines of:

“After resigning in shame, Mark Foley has taken himself out of the running for Florida-16 and any vote you cast for him will be applied to Joe Negron who doesn’t fuck teenaged boys or ask them to measure their penises as far as we know. So remember: measure twice, vote once.”

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....