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Late Nite FDL: World Leader Pretend

 big dummy

So, Preznint DrunkUncle took his vaudeville act uptown to the UN today.  Given this administration’s efforts to undermine and discredit the United Nations on so many levels, it’s hard to see this as much of anything besides another chance for him to preen in front of the cameras, except this time it’s a captive audience of international dignitaries and not a hand-picked crowd of kids from the Fox News day-care center or whatever.  But given that he only ever makes one speech, does it really matter who he’s talking to?


The president, of whom many world leaders remain skeptical for starting a war in Iraq without U.N. backing, voiced support for Iraqis’ attempt at stability with sectarian violence leaving dozens dead every day, but said Iraqi leaders must "make difficult choices to bring security and prosperity."

How’s that for an utterly meaningless sound-byte?  "You’re going to have to make some difficult choices" roughly translates from BushSpeak to Real-World English as "You can take this ass-fucking from my administration bent over or lying on your back.  But you do have a choice."

Then he told a bunch of big fat lies (GASP!):

"My country desires peace."

But first we have to start a whole bunch of wars, kill your civilians, steal your oil, and leave behind a bunch of depleted uranium, see?  Heh heh.  But after that, it’ll be real peaceful.  We guarantee it.  Once the whole Middle East has been turned into a sheet of radioactive glass, you’ll be able to hear a pin drop!

"We respect Islam, but we will protect our people from those who pervert Islam to sow death and destruction."

Yeah, we’re the only country that’s allowed so sow death and destruction!  And if you don’t like that, why, what’s that sound I hear?  I believe it’s our sources in the CIA saying we have intelligence that you might be harboring weapons of mass destruction.  And we’ve never once been wrong about that!  Don’t make us invade your ass.  

This is what kills me about his current rhetorical bent, by the way: 


President Bush sought to blunt anti-Americanism across the Middle East Tuesday, asserting that extremists are trying to justify their violence by falsely claiming the U.S. is waging war on Islam. He singled out Iran and Syria as sponsors of terrorism.

Peace!  We want peace!  But not for YOU BITCHEZ, Iran and Syria!  By the way, nice countries you got over there.  It’d be a shame if anything happened to ’em, see?  Heh, heh!

Bush, in an address to world leaders at the U.N. General Assembly, tried to advance his campaign for democracy in the Middle East against a backdrop of turmoil in Iraq, Afghanistan and other nations that have embraced the very changes he seeks for the region.

Can we just dispense with this bullshit right now?  It is not a "campaign for democracy in the Middle East".  It’s a campaign of lies, illegal renditions, civilian massacres, rape, torture, chaos, and corruption.  In fact, it’s got nothing to do with "democracy" at all.  It’s a unilateral power-grab, a craven attempt to install puppet regimes in Afghanistan and Iraq who will give us greater access to all that sweet, black, delicious oil.  Oil, oil, oil.  That’s what it’s been about from the very outset.  So why not just come out and say it?

Bush said past stability in the Middle East has been achieved at the expense of freedom, and he disputed critics who claim his push for democracy has destabilized the region.

"The reality is that the stability we thought we saw in the Middle East was a mirage," Bush told the more than 80 prime ministers and presidents assembled in the cavernous hall of the U.N. headquarters.

"For decades, millions of men and women in the region have been trapped in oppression and hopelessness. And these conditions left a generation disillusioned and made this region a breeding ground for extremism."

Yeah, you silly Middle Easterners!  You thought you had peace and freedom, but that was just a mirage.  You only thought you could walk outside in Anbar Province without tripping over the corpses of tortured and murdered Shi’ites.   But, see, Iraq is really a free country, now!  Free of electricity, hospitals, schools, and clean water!  Yay, us!!  And soon it’ll be completely free of the rule of law!  Whoo-hooo!  I’m sure anyone left alive in Iraq when this is over will be lining up to thank us for generations.  I know they’ll understand that we had to invade their country to stop the terrorists that weren’t there and didn’t help carry out 9/11!  And if 100,000 or so Iraqi civilians ultimately get killed in the process, well, freedom’s messy!  Ask Donny Rumsfeld.  Stuff gets broke sometimes.  Y’all understand, right?

How could Colin Powell possibly think that the world is starting to doubt our moral authority?  Sometimes you have to destroy freedom in order to save it!  Well, I’m sure that everything’s going to be fine now that the Preznint has explained it all to those damn foreigners at the UN.  And if they still don’t get it, we’ll waterboard ’em until they do!  Yay, freedom rules!!

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TRex is a 60-million-year-old theropod who enjoys terrorizing trailer parks, stomping his enemies, and eating things that get in his way or annoy him. He is single and looking for a new boyfriend. He's 60 feet tall, green, with delicate forelimbs, large, sharp teeth, and a lengthy tail. Turn-ons include political activism, bashing conservatives, and volcanoes. Turn-offs are vegetarians, right-wing blogs, and killer asteroids.