Judean Popular People’s Front vs. the People’s Front of Judea

Michigan College Republicans (“Matriculate before dishonor!”) are upset because they’re being confused with the College Republicans National Committee who are quite obviously different because they have ‘National’ in their name instead of ‘Michigan’ and they hardly even know each other….although there was that drunken hook-up during rush week……

In a stunning story published in today’s paper, Daily Staff Writer Andrew Grossman claims that the College Republicans (CR’s) plan to host a “Catch an Illegal Immigrant Day” and a “Fun With Guns” event where CR’s would shoot BB guns or paintball guns at cardboard cutouts of Sens. Clinton and Kerry.

Unfortunately, all of this is untrue.

The negligence of Grossman, so far as news develops, is flagrant and multifarious. Grossman’s story research involved solely a conversation with Morgan Wilkins, an intern with the College Republicans National Committee. Wilkins is a field representative for the state of Michigan, whose responsibilities include traveling all over the State of Michigan, trying to get out the vote. However, Wilkins has had extremely limited contact with the Michigan College Republicans, amounting to literally no more than a few hours.

I don’t know about you but I find Michael O’Brien’s use of “flagrant and multifarious” vaguely charming in an antiquated faux classical kind of way. I imagine he spends a great deal of his time admonishing obstreperous rapscallions to cease with their incessant natterings as they “… vex me past my patience!”.

“Begone! Canst thou not see that I ponder questions both great and small in anticipation of midterms a mere fortnight away whilst thou shotgun beers and make merry with the lusty wenches from Kappa Kappa Gamma?”

Ah, the classics. They never go out of style….

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....