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Late Late Nite FDL: John Kerry is Not a Vegetable

miserable little turnip

Anyone seen a 60 foot thunderlizard around these parts?

Last I heard, TRex was spotted on I-10, East of New Orleans and rumbling west. Supposedly, he had a big fishbowl tucked under one tiny arm, and the other arm extended, looking for all the world like some sort of gangly therapod-version of the Heisman trophy.

They said he was muttering something about "giving Jonah Goldberg something to suck his thumb about." 

(Caught in the blood-dimmed glare of a snark-addicted, 60-foot carnivorous lizard?  Not the best place to end up, I’d wager…)

While I was flipping channels looking for headlines about doughy legacy pundits being stuffed into levees for use as aggregate, I got this update from CNN:

Sen. John Kerry didn’t contest the results at the time, but now that he’s considering another run for the White House, he’s alleging election improprieties by the Ohio Republican who oversaw the deciding vote in 2004.

 An e-mail from Kerry will be sent to 100,000 Democratic donors Tuesday asking them to support U.S. Rep. Ted Strickland for governor of Ohio. The bulk of the e-mail criticizes Strickland’s opponent, GOP Secretary of State Ken Blackwell, for his dual role in 2004 as President Bush’s honorary Ohio campaign co-chairman and the state’s top election official.

"He used the power of his state office to try to intimidate Ohioans and suppress the Democratic vote,” Kerry says in the e-mail, according to a copy provided in advance.

It has been alleged that this is proof that Senator Kerry is NOT in a persistent vegetative state.  I’ll believe it once I have had a chance to watch someone wave a balloon at the guy.

Honestly, I should admit that I am not sure what to think.  If through extended observation it becomes clear that the DLC and other feeding-tube-democrats are actually starting to breathe on their own and perhaps appear that they might be capable of some improvement, I could see the merit of taking a step back and letting nature take its course.  On the other hand, after reviewing some of the footage, my impression is that it’s not so much a sign of higher functioning or improvement in the feeding-tube-democrats’ condition as it is some sort of nervous spasms- leftover behaviors that mimic recovery, but are probably just nerves firing, perhaps caused by the commotion outside.

Oh, I didn’t mention the commotion?  Well, look out the window!  There’s some kind of crazy vigil going on out there….

Look at that sign Bob Shrum is holding:

And then you’ve got Joe Klein out there waving his centrist credentials around and shouting "We shall, We Shall NOT BE MOVED!"

There’s plenty of clamor and clangor for continued un-heroic measures to just keep on keeping on like we have been, and let’s hope Ol’ Kerry sits up and asks for some red meat soon.

I dunno, though….  Why didn’t he sit up and ask on November 5th, 2004?  What good is waiting for signs of life now?  The old bird’s been looking pretty much room temperature for a WHILE….

I remember back in the summer of 2004 how the smears and jabs were jammed right into Kerry… the Right Wing spanking machine would start its queasy dance of pointing up whatever absurd slur the Rove camp would cook up… they would stick it to Kerry for a couple of days while Kerry’s medical team sort of stood by and wonder of wonders, nothing happened…  not even a twitch or an eyeblink.  There were some true believers who would say "Can’t you hear him?  He’s saying ‘nnnnghhhh… I want…. ssshhhhrrrrllack… to be…. PPPPPPRrresssssss….i…dent……gnah…..’! The lack of animation and lifelessness is a sign of ELECTABILITY!"

I wasn’t too convinced, but I went along with it…Who would call that living, though?  Compare to a total non-vegetable like Howard Dean that summer.  If they poked Dean, he came back swinging.  (Then, of course, CNN played Dr. Kevorkian with his campaign.  At least he went down screaming.) 

Personally, I have had enough of moaners and droolers. 

From now on, I am backing screamers only.

And biters.

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