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Sink or swim solution

I can’t stop laughing. Satire to die for — Jon Swift: A Conservative Message to Blacks: Sink or Swim. There’s so much rich stuff in this post that it was hard to decide what to excerpt.

Frankly, I don’t know how it is racist to point out that blacks can’t swim and it seems to me it’s better that we confront this problem instead of sweeping it under the rug. Think of how many lives could have been saved if we had known about this before Hurricane Katrina and done something about it. I wonder if liberals want to keep a lid on this crisis so that they can blame President Bush for the lives lost after the hurricane, when it may in fact have been the fault of African-Americans themselves for not learning how to swim. Clearly, Hudson was trying to help black people by discussing this issue and it’s unfortunate he was forced to apologize for broaching the subject.

The section on wingnut black blogger La Shawn Barber is exquisite.

I don’t know how people could think conservatives are racists when La Shawn has one of the top conservative blogs. Yes, although you would barely know it from her completely colorless prose, La Shawn is, in fact, black (and, apparently, a poor swimmer).

…No one had to dumb down the blogosphere to let her in. In fact, her success is all the more remarkable when you take into consideration that, according to her, “whites generally have higher cognitive ability than blacks.”

But while I am happy that La Shawn triumphed over her lack of cognitive ability, I am concerned about the possibility of her drowning. I think something should be done about blacks’ inability to stay afloat. No doubt Democrats would want to throw money at the problem by handing out free life preservers or providing government-subsidized boat rides or swimming classes. A better solution might be to consider vouchers or private accounts to pay for life jackets or private swimming classes.

Just go read the whole thing. Beautifully done.

H/t, Steve.

Related: I guess I’ll just sink to the bottom of the pool

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And a few of you recommended this Jon Swift winner as well: Science Is Dead.

Recently there was some controversy when the Bush Administration accidentally left off evolution from a list of subjects eligible for government grants–whoops! But Mark Noonan at Blogs for Bush has an even better suggestion: That we just leave off science altogether. The debate between Evolution and Intelligent Design, he says, “got me thinking, and today ii [sic] occured [sic] to me: science is dead. We have reached the end of the Age of Science.” I must say I haven’t been so happy since we reached the End of History. What is especially great about Noonan’s theory that science is dead is that he doesn’t have to conduct any experiments or present any evidence to prove science is dead because science would actually have to be alive to do that.

…I’m hoping that the Bush Administration will redouble its efforts to kill off two other subjects I didn’t much care for, Math and Geography. While important strides have been made, I still think more can be done to send Math and Geography to the dustbin of History, which, course, has itself been sent to the dustbin of . . . something else, I guess. I’m not ready to declare victory until our schools are teaching only two subjects: Religion and Gym.

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Pam Spaulding

Pam Spaulding