CommunityPam's House Blend

Barbie Talibania* & The Joy of Gay Sex

No, it’s not what you think. Our orange-skinned hottie for Christ hasn’t turned over a new leaf and started playing for the lavender team, no matter how much I dream about her and Tila Tequila wearing trashy lingerie and engaging in a no-holds barred jello-wrestling cage match on pay-per-view. (Yeah, I know, that’s a very ridiculous lesbian scene, but I’m a very ridiculous straight guy who read too much Penthouse as a teenager…)

I’m referring to our Barbie’s latest crusade to have removed from my hometown public library the books The Joy of Gay Sex and The Joy of Sex because (*gasp!*) what about the children?!? Yes, when Princess Talibania isn’t busy trying to overturn Roe v. Wade, or getting the Ten Commandments displayed in public parks, or fighting to keep brain-dead flesh muppets alive despite the opinions of husband or muppet or court of law, or fighting the distribution of condoms to Olympic athletes, she spends her time trying to censor books she doesn’t like, as I blogged about last month.

Now she’s sent me a follow-up note to let me know how the public meeting at the Nampa (Idaho) Public Library turned out:

Thank you to each who attended the Nampa Library Board meeting about the removal of the sexually explicit and graphic materials, “The Joy of Sex” and “The Joy of Gay Sex”. I’m sorry that I wasn’t able to be there as I am in California working to save the cross on Mount Soledad. Elysse Barrett, President of America’s Renewal and Generation Life representative, who was there to stand with Randy Jackson, and other community leaders and concerned citizens for the removal of these pornographic materials, shares a report of the meeting.

Mr. Jackson said, “Yo, dawg, we got a hot one on the dawg pound tonight! Yeah! You were a little pitchy in the beginning, but you worked through it, dawg. That was da bomb!”**

The library board meeting opened up at 4 pm on Monday, June 19th, with one item to consider — the topic of these books. The board meeting was attended by a full house, probably at least 50 people plus a full slate of media.

The first order of business was to hear the recommendation of the Honorable Mayor, Tom Dale. His comments were clear and well received. He stated that there was a clear consensus among the comments he received — that the books were pornographic, inappropriate, and he recommended that they should be removed.

It cracks me up to think of dozens of staid Nampans checking out The Joy of Gay Sex just so they can discover it is pornographic and inappropriate. Then I realize that most likely none of them have even seen the book and are just howling as a pack because the lead dog howled.

The Mayor also adressed some of the concerns and issues that had been brought up in defense of the books staying on library shelves, stating that this is not about censorship, it is about values and decency. It is not about “caving to a small, radical, fundamentalist fringe” as some have suggested. This whole issue is about responding to the needs and concerns of the citizens and families of Nampa.

I see. This makes perfect sense, because there are no gay citizens or gay families in Nampa who might like to learn how to enhance their sex lives. Also, those Nampa citizens are incapable of turning away, picking up a different book, and watching their children in the library. This lack of the mind-your-own-business gene has been traced to lifelong exposure to the stinky effluence of the local sugar beet factory.

Not!

And speaking of a “small, radical, fundamentalist fringe”, remember that Randy Jackson’s first act upon seeing The Joy of Gay Sex on the library shelf was to remove the book without checking it out (some might say that violates one of those precious Commandments) and destroy it. Haben Sie irgendwelche Bücher kürzlich gebrannt, mein Herr?

The representative of the City Council, Councilman Steven Kren, also reported that it was the consensus of the Nampa City Council that these books should be removed from circulation. He stated, among other things, that it was not wise to use tax payer dollars on books such as these.

The mayor, the city council… things aren’t looking good for free speech in the red states. I’m wondering how wise it was to spend taxpayer money on some of those other books in the library. I know, let’s have a referendum, where the political leaders decide which of these books support Nampa’s values and decency and which of these books are wastes of taxpayer money. That has always worked out well throughout history.

Despite these strong recommendations, 4 of the 5 library board members stated their position to keep the books in circulation, New Board member, Bruce Skaug, added his voice to that of the Mayor and City Council, and made a motion for the books to be removed from circulation. There was no second. Then a motion was made for these books to be placed on the highest shelf possible and for staff to more frequently reshelve these books. It passed with 4 affirmations and board member Skaug abstaining.

Well, what do you know? There are at least four sensible people in Nampa, Idaho! That would seem to solve the problem with the wisdom of Solomon. The books are available for people who may want to read them, but inaccessible to the children (except, I suppose, the really tall ones). In fact, it makes so much sense that I just know how Barbie will react:

We are deeply disappointed that the Nampa library board seems to care so little for the protection of their children and turns a deaf ear to the citizens of their community. It is a sad day when decency and protection of our children are called censorship and homophobia.

Yeah, it sucks when the pitchfork-wielding mob can’t impose its medieval worldview on more sensible people. It’s a sad day when censorship is called decency and homophobia is called protecting our children. A sad day, but just another ordinary day in the liberty-challenged Bizarro world of Princess Barbie Talibania.

* In case you joined late, Princess Barbie Talibania is really Brandi Swindell, the head of “Generation Life”, and my favorite member of the American Taliban, if only because I have a bizarre fetish for sexually-repressed Born-Again™ Christian chicks. It’s like that macho hetero idea of “turning” a lesbian.

** That American Idol joke never gets old to me.

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