Check out the big brain on Bryan

But I like the Cars movie. Talkin’ cars is funny…

I’m sure that sometime in my life my mom told me that “if you can’t say something nice about people, don’t say anything”. It might have been that day when she told me, “Don’t become a chef. They all become drunks.” That I do remember…although I don’t know why. Anyway, my point is: I want to say something nice about Michelle Malkin.

Okay. Here it is: She hires the less able.

Case in point: Bryan Preston.

Bryan Preston got his big shot yesterday appearing on ABC opposite Ana Marie Cox (who was beaten like a red-headed stepchild blogger all day long today) in order to comment on Yearly Kos. We assume that Malkin sent Bryan because Malkin and the former Wonkette have a history. Whereupon Wonkette returned fire and hilarity ensued.

But back to Bryan. We’re sure that he got the GMA gig because of his keen incisive mind and profound grasp of nuance and details. Like just a few weeks ago……

A reader tipped me to this–Algore’s An Inconvenient Truth is currently doing some crummy biz at the box office. According to The Numbers, Gore’s PowerPoint turned crockumentary is playing in exactly 4 theaters. Four.

You have to figure that those four–four–theaters are in Gore-friendly territory. They’re probably all in the Bay Area, plus maybe one somewhere in New York. So how are they doing?

Well, the film has earned a little under $500k, or about $70k per screen on the four screens it’s playing on, since it opened on May 24. At an estimated $10.50 per ticket, that means the former Vice President’s film has sold about 6700 tickets. In just under a week.

To put that in perspective, Gore’s film has reached about the same size audience as a medium-sized to large blog’s daily readership. But his film has taken a week to get there. So he’s actually selling less than a thousand tickets a day, in the few theaters in friendly blue regions that decided to play his film.

I’m thinking that this doesn’t bode well for any future political aspirations Gore might have.

Now we’ll disregard the fact that it took me about two minutes to discover that An Inconvenient Truth opened in New York City and LA that first weekend, something that Bryan didn’t have time to research because, well, that would have been… inconvenient. But I was particularly taken with his comparison between traffic on a blog to the seating capacity of four theaters, because, as we all know, theaters are built to expand in order to accommodate an infinitely expanding number of theatergoers armed with popcorn and Twizzlers to the point where the theater itself becomes a small planet orbited by Wetzel’s Pretzels and some of the lesser Starbucks establishments. Of course if we check Bryan’s provided link he, and we, would have learned:

During a weekend where records were set at the top of the box office, it was a documentary that won the race on the Per Theatre Charts. An Inconvenient Truth set a record for highest per theatre average for a documentary with more than $280,000 in 4 theatres for an average of $70,333; also, since its debut last Wednesday the film has earned nearly $500,000.(my emphasis)

It would be unfair to Bryan to point out that, as An Inconvenient Truth expands each week to more and more theaters, it is still maintaining a five-digit per screen average on weekends; a level shared only with Cars.

So what does this tell us about Bryan? Well, research is inconvenient. Facts are mysterious. And he doesn’t understand the concept of analogies.

And what does this tell us about Michelle Malkin? That sometime ago, when she was setting up Hot Air, she ran a job posting at Monster.com seeking a “dumbfuck”.

Mission Accomplished.

Bonus: if you want a real hoot, go watch Michelle on O’Reilly do her snotty-teenager at-the-mall bug-eyed act discussing Kos. Eleven year-olds rejoice! You have a new princess.

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....