And now they’re blonde, bland, middle-class Republican wives
They all have blonde, bland, middle-class Republican children
Blonde, bland, middle-class Republican lives

Trade in my freedom for the illusion
of security? Sure, sign me up!

Princesssparkleponystepfordwife would like to apologize to all of America’s students for not returning the country to the fifties where it rightfully belongs:

Heaven knows I’m not the Publisher of the New York Times. I’m just a small voice. A wife, mother, caretaker, volunteer, and activist. I’m not powerful and I’m not rich, but I would like to apologize to all graduates this year as well.

I’d like to apologize that our country never let the people decide about abortion, that they allowed a billion dollar a year industry to thrive off the agony of women. I apologize that no one ever listens to the millions of women who suffer from their abortion. My generation hasn’t done a good enough job of telling you when the heart of your child starts beating or the horror of abortion on that child.

I apologize that my generation never took the time to stop illegal immigration and now it is an almost impossible task to remedy.

I apologize that we made divorce so easy and made people believe that it wasn’t that big of a deal so that even grown children of divorce are still suffering from the pain of their parent’s divorce in more ways than we can even imagine. I apologize that instead of seeking ways to solidify marriage for children, we are only looking at more ways to re-define marriage. In doing so, we are opening up a pandora’s box of which the family will likely never recover.

And I also want to jump in here and apologize to the graduates for not having snuffed out boring conformity, priggishness, suburban soft-core racism, vapidness, and nannyism compliments of do-gooder pecksniff housewives with too much time on their hands; who are willing to trade in your freedoms so they won’t have to suffer one more excrutiatingly complex thought for the rest of their stultifying monotonous soul-dead lives.

We’re sorry. Now go have some deviant sex.

You’ll be glad you did.

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....