Teach your children well

We want to grow up just like you!

Blame it on The Clenis:

The teenage oral sex panic began in the late 1990s. It is in some ways a part of the Clinton legacy—more specifically, the Clinton-Lewinsky legacy. It was Clinton’s most famous line (“I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky”) and the subsequent debate on whether receiving oral sex qualified as “sexual relations” that produced the apparently shocking disclosure that a lot of teenagers were not only engaging in oral sex but regarding it as not quite sex.

Worse: According to press accounts, America’s young Monicas weren’t just having oral sex; they were having it in circumstances that would raise Hugh Hefner’s eyebrows. In July 1998, The Washington Post ran a front-page story with the headline, “Parents Are Alarmed by an Unsettling New Fad in Middle Schools: Oral Sex.”

Blame it on The Limbaugh:

Teen smoking and drinking continued to drop, but teenage abuse of prescription drugs has become “an entrenched behavior” that many parents fail to recognize, a survey released Tuesday showed.

For a third straight year, the Partnership for a Drug-Free America study showed that about 1 in 5 teens have tried prescription drug painkillers such as Vicodin or OxyContin to get high — about 4.5 million teens. It also indicated that many teens feel experimenting with prescription drugs is safer than illegal highs.

What will we tell the childr—


Never mind.

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....