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Florida's 'Dr. Phil of prayer' coming to cable

Bible beater Bill Keller has a big following, on local TV in St. Petersburg, Florida and on the Internet. Look at the popularity of this man, who was convicted of insider trading and lived the high life.

Now the “Dr. Phil of prayer,” according to WingNutDaily, will be able to reach millions more nationwide on the PAX television network. You will be able to see him take calls from the sheeple, like this unhinged woman from Palatka, FL, who was battling with what WND calls the “forces of darkness.”

Trudy: I need you to pray for me. I’ve been in the occult and I’m trying to change my life, and I want to do that, and the spirits are really strong.

Bill Keller: You ready to turn your back on Satan and accept Jesus?

Trudy: Yes, but they won’t let me.

Keller: Who won’t let you?

Trudy: The spirits.

Keller: Well, let me tell you something. The Spirit of the Living God says to turn from Satan right now and get on your knees and accept Jesus. … Are you ready to cast Satan out of your life and accept Jesus? … Pray with me right now, will you?

Trudy: I can’t.

Trudy’s phone line mysteriously went dead, and Keller prayed for God to help the woman in turmoil. Jeebus. Houston, we have a mental problem. When I read crap like this, I really wonder about the future of our country. It seems like the stories about delusional, easily manipulated people like this are endless.

The Weekly Planet article by Eric Snider notes that Keller’s no friend of the homos — big surprise, huh?

That’s the biggest hot-button issue, the one that causes the most outrage,” Keller says. “Listen, sin is sin. There’s no way you can justify homosexuality from a biblical perspective. No sin is greater than others. When someone commits adultery, they’re ashamed of what they’ve done. The person who commits an act of homosexuality, there’s pride there. They put the sin of homosexuality in parades.”

It’s nice that Bill can teach us about morality and family values with a background that sounds like your average scam artist when you read about his personal story of booze, coke, power suits, full-length mink coats, weekends in Vegas losing 50 grand at the crap table, according to the Weekly Planet. And his questionable dealings got him in a heap of trouble.

Then came a fateful dinner with a couple of old acquaintances from the brokerage world. They were investment bankers with knowledge of pending corporate takeovers. They set up a deal: The brokers would give Keller information about companies that were about to be bought up; he would buy gobs of their stock via an off-shore account. When news got out about the acquisition, the stock would skyrocket, Keller would cash out and the insider trio would split up the spoils.

This is the bit of business that eventually caught the attention of the SEC. The guy is a piece of work. He also has the deadly combination of arrogance and stupidity.

After a few months of legal scrums, the SEC referred the case to the U.S. Attorney’s Office for criminal charges. Keller remembers the scene well: It was chilly in Chicago on Oct. 12, 1989. His lawyer had told him to be at the U.S. Attorney’s office for a meeting. Keller was running late, so he had his limo driver pull up on the sidewalk in front of the federal building. He emerged from the back seat, draped in a mink coat, 45 minutes late.

…Ten days later, Keller left for a Florida vacation. He insists he did not go on the lam. Brazenly, he failed to leave a contact number with his lawyer, so he was not aware he’d been indicted. On Dec. 17, 1989, Keller was lounging around a friend’s Pensacola Beach condo, sipping a snifter of Louis the 13th cognac, waiting for the pizza delivery man and Monday Night Football to come on, when he answered a knock at the door. A bevy of U.S. Marshals, with a helicopter hovering overhead, pushed Keller to the floor, handcuffed him and tossed him in the Escambia County Jail. On the day after Christmas, he was shipped back to Chicago, where a judge pegged him a flight risk, denied him bail and remanded him to the city’s Metropolitan Correction Center.

Yes, the bible beating sheeple really do deserve a guy like Bill.

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Pam Spaulding

Pam Spaulding