Late Nite FDL: It’s Hard Out Here For a Pimp
Update: TBogg has more on tough-talking mama’s boys gonna f**k up Yearly Kos. Oooh, paintball.
Jonah Goldberg has decided Jill Caroll is not conducting herself appropriately following her captivity.
I have no doubt it would take Jonah Goldberg all of 5 minutes to go into Ring Ding withdrawal and offer up his fellow captives for a slice of pizza. Within 10 he’d start to cry because they wouldn’t let him call his mom. At 15 minutes he’d don a scarf and leap in front of the camera no gun to his head necessary, and by 20 he’d be coughing up whatever secrets he had. Alas the location of the vending machine keys at the Corner would probably be of little value to Iraqi insurgents.
Of course this is all absurd because Jonah has no interest in going to Iraq, not now not ever. He is, however, quite willing to give the poor an all-expense paid visit there, provided that upon their return they profess approprite undying hatred of brown people.
Jonah can clearly be of more benefit to the war effort on the homefront as the GOP’s answer to Julia Ward Howe, penning anthemic songs like "Superfly Conservatives":
The game he plays he plays for keeps
Kickin’ ass in foreign streets
Don’t try to win them over
(That’s not what he tryin’ to do, y’all)
Taking all that he can take
Gambling with the odds of fate
Don’t try to win them over (4x)
I know the white boy OG/ganster phase is supposed to wear off about 18, but Jonah has an excuse. It’s his job. In the fine tradition of Cicero, it’s what Buckley pays him for.
Next up: Hugh Hewitt develops PTSD in the express elevator.