Never mind the clitorides, here comes the bollocks

Sitting here, trying not to think about my filthy hoo-hah. Posted by Picasa

The Seagull is not about seagulls. Buried Child is not about burying children. The Vagina Monologues is not about vaginas. Sometimes you have to read more than the title:

Monique Stuart was a teenager when Eve Ensler’s “The Vagina Monologues” first appeared off-off-Broadway a decade ago.

But by the time the 24-year-old saw the play in her senior year of college, she’d already made up her mind that it wasn’t worth much.

“It really confirmed everything I already thought about the play,” she says.

Which explained why she was standing behind a lectern at the Omni Shoreham Hotel in Northwest recently, telling other young women how to be good conservatives — and how to bring some protest drama of their own to Ensler’s work.

“‘It’s disgusting,” she said. “The play defines women as their sexual organs.”


Stuart grew up in a liberal Connecticut family, but in her sophomore year, she attended a debate that included conservative commentator Ann Coulter and came away enthralled. Soon she had joined the College Republicans.

Not to belabor the obvious, but: how stupid do you have to be to be influenced by Ann Coulter?

Then, the summer before her senior year, while she was an intern in Washington, she went to an event featuring conservative author Christina Hoff Sommers, who attacked the play.

Stuart finally read it — and decided she was on Hoff Sommers’s side.

During winter break of her senior year, she retyped “The Vagina Monologues,” replacing every use of the word “vagina” with “penis,” and called the result “The Penis Monologues.”

“When you call it ‘The Penis Monologues,’ that’s ridiculous. It’s ridiculous on the other side as well,” she says.

Yes. That stupid. Because when you have a woman describing her rape and she keeps mentioning her penis, well, that’s just silly. Except when it’s not:

Audiences, mostly – but not only – women, giggle, laugh, and identify with the stories and with Ensler. And they weep when the monologue, “My Vagina Was My Village,” the story of a woman raped in Bosnia, is performed.

“The soldiers put a long thick rifle inside me,” the passage reads. “So cold, the steel rod canceling my heart. Don’t know whether they’re going to fire it or shove it through my spinning brain.”

Meanwhile MRC studmuffin, Tim Graham writes:

The WashPost puts female conservative opponents of the “Vagina Monologues” on the front page of the Style section today. It’s not bad, but it does have the same old habit of constantly employing the “conservative” label, and “Vagina” author Eve Ensler is a what? No liberal label. She professes to be “baffled” by opposition, because she’s pro-sex. She’s good at making straw men. It’s better than having to deal with the real men.

I’m guessing that Tim thinks he’s the kind of “real” man who can show her what that hole is for.

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