Da Vinci Code = Protocols of the Elders of Zion

If you’ll sleep with me now, I promise to
destroy the Catholic church when I grow up.
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You may remember our good friend, Bill “I Like Children” Donohue:

We’ve already won. Who really cares what Hollywood thinks? All these hacks come out there. Hollywood is controlled by secular Jews who hate Christianity in general and Catholicism in particular. It’s not a secret, okay? And I’m not afraid to say it. … Hollywood likes anal sex. They like to see the public square without nativity scenes. I like families. I like children. They like abortions. I believe in traditional values and restraint. They believe in libertinism. We have nothing in common. But you know what? The culture war has been ongoing for a long time. Their side has lost. [MSNBC, Scarborough Country, 12/8/04]

Well, it seems that he was a little wrong when he had his Mission Accomplished moment back in 2004 and his side really hadn’t won the culture war with Hollywood (or maybe they did win and they greenlighted the gay cowboy movie anyway because Jake Gyllenhaal is so altarboylicious). Anyway, the B-Don is still negotiating the terms of surrender with Hollywood, but I think his latest may be a deal-breaker:

He wants Hollywood to admit that their movies…aren’t real.

Shut up! Really?

Here is the text (provided by reader David) from an open letter in the New York Times addressed to Ron Howard:


When “The Da Vinci Code” opens on May 19, most of the controversy will end provided the audience learns the truth: the movie, like the book, is a fable. As the director, you have a moral obligation not to mislead the public the way the book’s author, Dan 19, has. Putting a disclaimer at the beginning of the film noting that this is a fictional account would resolve the issue.

Brown has been trying to have it both ways for years: at times he says his book “is a work of fiction,” and at other times he says it is based on “historical fact.” Indeed, his novel opens with three “facts,” all of which are demonstrably false.

* He says that an age-old secret society, the Priory of Sion, kept alive the untold story about Jesus and Mary Magdalene, when the fact is this tale has been exposed as a hoax concocted in the 1950s by an anti-Semitic Frenchman who was sent to prison for fraud.
* He calls Opus Dei a “religious sect,” and portrays it as an evil force, when the truth is it is a Catholic organization founded to help lay people (not monks) seek holiness in their daily lives.
* Most disturbing of all, he says his book is based on documents that are factual. Really? The truth is there is not a scintilla of historical evidence to support his malicious claim that the divinity of Jesus was made up in the 4th century.

You are in a position to correct the record. If, as one survey discloses, a third of Canadians think the book is authentic, then more than mischief has been done. When credence is given to hoaxes, whether it be the notoriously anti-Semitic “Protocols of the Elders of Zion” or the invidiously anti-Catholic “Da Vinci Code,” the consequences are real.

It is too late, Mr. Howard, to say that the movie is not anti-Catholic: John Calley, the film’s co-producer, has been quoted in the newspaper admitting that it is “conservatively anti-Catholic.” But it is not too late for you to make it unmistakably clear that the movie is a fable. After all, if the film is remembered for the vicious lies it tells about Catholicism, it will not be John Calley’s reputation that will be sullied.

William A. Donohue


Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights

This is quite a fix that director Opie has gotten himself into. If he doesn’t bow to God’s Donohue’s will he will face the wrath of a Donohue that “holds you over the pit of hell, much as one holds a spider, or some loathsome insect over the fire, abhors you, and is dreadfully provoked: his wrath towards you burns like fire; he looks upon you as worthy of nothing else, but to be cast into the fire; he is of purer eyes than to bear to have you in his sight; you are ten thousand times more abominable in his eyes, than the most hateful venomous serpent is in ours.”

Well, you get the idea.

On the other hand, if Director Opie concedes, well, he’s got some explaining to do regarding his oeuvre:

&#149Splash Was there any man/piscine sex? Catholics find sex with fish to be an abomination. Except on Fridays.

&#149Cocoon. Steve Guttenberg. Explain Steve Guttenberg. Steve. Guttenberg.

&#149Far and Away. Tom Cruise : Scientolgist. False religion.

&#149Apollo 13. In Splash, Tom Hanks owned a Manhattan produce business. In Apollo 13, he’s an astronaut who goes into space and doesn’t meet God. Explain.

&#149How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Okay. That was just a mortal sin. Even Jesus hated it.

&#149.A Beautiful Mind Psychiatry is for the godless.

&#149East of Eden. That tears it. Burn in hell, boy.

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....