Late Nite FDL: Dickfest Semifinals, Night 5
We are now at the end of our five night round of semifinals in Dickfest. What a truly amazing display of talent. I thoroughly enjoyed reading them all and there’s no way that they can all be honored as they should — with BIG cash and prizes — but they certainly are deserving of it, one and all.
Since we only have 38 entries tonight only one will advance to the final round, so choose carefully. The participants are vying for a copy of the latest book by Bill Maher, and his generous series on HBO is also donating a poster signed by said Bill.
If in the very likely event you wrote an eligible 4-line poem (many were disqualified for being over the limit, though their quality was exceptional) and I somehow didn’t include it or otherwise bungled it, please email me and let me know, we’ll find some way to deal with it.
If a blowjob was an issue
then the shooting is an issue! (401)
Big-time-dick Cheney is sitting on
news that he just shot Mr. Whittington.
"It’s none of their business! Let ’em talk to the eyewitness"
As always, it’s us that he’s shitting on. (402)
God and Moon were witnesses
with Secret Service buddies standing ’round:
O serve us with your secrets, faceless
bodyguards: guard the blasted body on the ground. (403)
There once was a man named Dick Cheney,
Who wanted to prove that he wasn’t a weenie;
He had some beer with his lunch, his finger went crunch,
And instead of the quail he shot Harry. (404)
Stay away from whiskey and wild, wild women. . .
. . . or beer and ambassadors to Switzerland. (405)
Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The Cheney cannot hear the Whittington;
Things fall apart; the trigger he cannot hold;
More buckshot is loosed upon the world (406)
Cheney’s got a gun
Cheney’s got a gun
His whole world’s come undone
From lookin’ straight at the sun (407)
A tale of Dick & his peppered Whittington;
A few too many does not mix, Shotgun!
And apparitions of Dick all around;
From Burr to Cheney a 200 year arc of sun! (408)
Apparition: Cheney shoots Whittington’s friendly face;
Big Lies from a Dick unhinged! (409)
so much depends
upon Dick Cheney
covered in taint standing
beside the impotent Bush. (410)
There once was a fellow named Dick
Whom most people knew as a prick
He fired his gun into the sun
Now birdshot in Harry will stick (411)
Open Season in Texas
wounded lawyer collateral damage
lapse a blessing for hunter’s safety (412)
The power of faith-based hunting,
Has never been known to fail,
Whiskey is not what they’re drunk on,
When discov’ring those Whittington quail. (413)
No fact is insurmountable.
I won’t be held accountable. (414)
Harry 0 (415)
Get drunk. Stupid
Shoot a man. Pathetic
Walk away scott free! Priceless (416)
"Go f*** yourself."
— V.P. Dick Cheney (417)
Spinning around 180
Jack Daniels yelling to pull the trigger
Scattershot into face and chest
Now he is heartless too. (418)
Old Harry in trauma
They say its Dick’s karma
The president’s chief
Lurks behind all the drama (419)
Cheney bags lawyer
What will we tell our children?
I’m clutching my pearls (420)
To hunt with a man
whose gun and hubris know no
bounds is to lose face. (421)
down and Dick with one regret:
No time for torture. (422)
First Scooter, now Shooter,
Oh what can we do?
Since the system’s now broken,
We can’t even sue. (423)
who smarter, harry or dick?
both real stupid in this sad tale.
let’s pick, not harry or dick.
let’s pick the plucky darn quail. (424)
Gunshot wounds excused.
To what do we owe this wrong?
Is it Dick’s high coup? (425)
i dream you’re behind chainlink in the klink
thinkin about the loss of your hair
and pondering too all that you do
to foul our nation so fair (426)
There once was a VP named Dick
Who was morally, quite sick
While “hunting,” we doubt, he blew off the snout
Of another immoral old prick (427)
The quail hunters pose and, still unspeaking, stand
Against the burning sunset of their hired, pioneer land
And the aged quarry shot by Dick’s unsteady hand
Lies unblinking in his bed, thinking – even the manhunt was canned (428)
Kat brushed off a swarm of gnats
with one spicy word
Whether to drink or to hunt he said both.
as they all wore their bright orange coats
bullets started to fly, Cheney had blood in his eyes
Next time sign the damn oath (430)
Fun with Dick and Don and their man Paul
They demolished the towers to scare us all
Like victims are told don’t believe what you see
Truth and Justice and Democracy Fall (431)
“Accidentally” shot by Cheney they all had to add
Even though official investigations were yet to be had
Stay the course, be patriotic, never question Vice
Were it any old Dick Tommy-gunning Harry, just “shot” would suffice (432)
Dick’s friend? Shot in the head.
Iraqis? Around 100,000 dead.
Congress? Power’s been bled.
Demoracy? She’s been put to bed. (433)
There was an ole sumbitch named Dick
Went hunting with a fellow called Whit
After too many brews, aimed at a covey that flew
Let a fart and shot Whit in the heart (435)
Not an old man, too good
for hari kiri on a dick. (436)
The Vice Presidential geezer took a little trip,
Down to southern Texas and had himself a little nip,
He chomped some prescription meds and grinnin’ like a cat,
Then he picked up his scattergun and shot a lawyer flat. (437)
Must indict, he (438)
For those who have been wondering where the odious Barbara Comstock has been, she’s taking a backseat to Dickfest for the moment, but we have much fine opposition research being done on her as we speek. She’s a long term project who will soon reappear on our fine stage, rest asured.
In other news, Ned Lamont has made a $1000 donation to Ciro Rodriguez. I thought that was a pretty classy thing to do. As Kos says, getting money to Ciro early in the game is critical to his campaign, so if you’re feeling moved by the muse tonight to help sweep the DINO’s like Cuellar out of the Democratic party, you can give here.
(graphic by Dark Black)