Secret Cave Blogging
**Put down all liquids before reading. You have been warned.**
As proof that we have some brilliance in the comments, one of our readers has uncovered a secret Osama blog entry. Guess the federal government spending oodles of cash on blog trolling might be a good idea. Let’s take a peek:
"Today, my dialysis machine started making a funny noise. It was scary, but it seemed to be working all right.
"Omar thinks I should get a haircut. He says I’m looking a little ragged. I told him, ‘what does it matter? I haven’t been putting out any tapes.’ He said it was just for my own good. Maybe I should. I haven’t gotten enough ‘me’ time lately.
"The Infidel keeps ignoring me. I mean, after all that shit I pulled, it’s a little frustrating that they won’t even return my calls. Maybe I should try e-mail, but I might have to go to a public library. I hate touching the keyboards at public libraries, ’cause I suspect there are plenty of perverts who use them to try looking for porn, and then go and whack off in the bathrooms. Who knows where their hands have been. Certainly nowhere I’d want mine to be. Eww. Plus, I can’t stand to look at the veins popping out of the backs of the librarians’ legs. I wonder if I could get wifi out here. I’ll ask Omar.
"Three of my wives have been starting to complain about my sex drive. I considered having them killed, but I guess they have a point. I’m depressed. It’s probably from not getting enough sunlight, down in this cave. It’s like seasonal depressive disorder full-time. I don’t think I’ve had an erection in weeks.
"Oh, well. Rahim is coming over a little later, so I should probably take a shower soon.
"Current Music: Radiohead – Sit Down, Stand Up
"Current Mood: Tired *_*"
Big thanks to reader J Crowley for the enormous laugh this morning.
(If you were somehow stuck in a cave and missed the magic that was Gary Larson’s Far Side, they’ve issued a complete set from 1980-1994. Bwahahaha.)