The New Bill of Rights
In addition to contributing to The Blend, I also contribute to Operation Yellow Elephant, which is run by the master satirist, Jesus’ General. The General has a post up today detailing the revised Bill of Rights under the Bush Administration that deserves a read. Here’s a taste:
Congress shall make no law without the expressed approval of the executive or his deputy chief of staff.
respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.
A well regulated militiaA confident male citizenry, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the peoplewhite, Christian men to keep and bear arms of very large caliber with long, hardened, masculine barrels, shall not be infringed.
soldierfighting keyboarder shall, in time of peace be quartered in any houserequired to leave his basement for the purpose of procuring Cheetos, without first receiving from his mother, a sum equivalent to the cost of a single family sized or six “Big Grab” bags the consent of the owner, nor in time of war, but with the additional funds equivalent to the cost of a six-pack of Mountain Dew and a package of pepperoni in a manner to be prescribed by law.
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures is a pre-9/11 concept that is inoperative for as long as the most patriotic citizens continue to wet their pants at the sight of a brown person.
shall not be violated, and nNo warrants shall issue, but upon probable causethe whim of the executive or his deputy chief of staff, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, andthe ideological leanings, degree of browness, or resale value of persons or things to be seized.
Mmm, I love the smell of satire in the morning. Smells like… victory!