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Inside a faith-based, Dobson-approved marriage

Nancy Kennedy, a writer that contributes to Daddy Dobson’s Focus on the Family web site on marital issues, says in her bio that she “has found contentment and peace despite being in a spiritually unequal marriage for more than 25 years.”

She has some interesting tidbits of wisdom to share that give you an peek into what constitutes ideal faith-based marriage in the eyes of Daddy Dobson, since he’s offering this stuff up as “advice.”

After reading a few eye-opening books on the subject of gender differences and conducting my own casual research, I discovered many of the conflicts in marriages aren’t necessarily caused by spiritual differences. Rather, they’re caused by simple gender differences. And if you’re unaware of those differences, you may inadvertently cause, or at least aggravate, your spiritual differences.

So in hopes that you can avoid making some major mistakes (or halt the ones you’re making now), here’s a mini — crash course in Masculinity 101:

Eight Points That Show, Christian or Not, He’s Still a Guy
Point 1: Guys Are Primarily Task and Goal Oriented
Point 2: Guys Are Competitive
Point 3: Guys Need to Be Needed
Point 4: Guys Are Cave Dwellers When Problems Strike
Point 5: Guys Fear Losing Control
Point 6: Guys Fear Being Thought Inadequate
Point 7: Guys Fear Being Hypocrites
Point 8: Guys Dread Midlife
Final Point: Appreciate Your Man

I won’t link up to these, you can go to the FoF site and wade through the dreck.

I was fascinated by some of Kennedy’s suggestions “to help your husband feel appreciated as the man in your life.” Some are quite generic and involve the use of pretty basic communication skills, ones I suppose must be lacking in wingnut households. Way too many border on declaring that Dobson-bot men have egos so fragile that you could snap them like a twig. Hmmmm — that may explain A LOT about these gasbag wingnut losers. Maybe Nancy is on to something…

Appreciate your man.

* Go to his softball games and pay attention.
* Tell him often that what he does at work is important to you.
* Never belittle or trivialize his work.
* Ask questions about his job. Learn what he does.
* Determine what your husband does well and provide opportunities for him to perform and succeed. Ask him if he would: glue a chair leg, move furniture, change a doorknob, plan a trip, etc.
* Say thank you often.
* Watch your interactions with other men and avoid situations that could be misinterpreted.
* Ask his advice and then take it. If you’re not willing to do that, it’s better not to ask in the first place.
* Ask for his help.
* Build him up in front of your kids.
* Never correct him in public.
* Dream with him, even if you think his dreams are farfetched. That’s what makes them dreams.
* Touch him often, especially when you’re listening to him talk.
* Be loyal.
* Enjoy sex. [How is this possible? They are guilty about everything all the time.]

Pray and ask God for creative ways to affirm your husband’s unique maleness. Then go and do it.

I’m wondering what “do it” means, but I don’t think it has much to do with non-procreative sexual activity.

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Pam Spaulding

Pam Spaulding