Talking prayer smack

Arms too short to box with no one Posted by Picasa

Apparently there is a movement afoot in America to rould up all the Christians and nail them to crosses and then feed them to lions and then burn their bones in bonfires made of confiscated Bibles… and I never got the memo.

At least that’s the impression I get from christianunderground who are all, like, “bring it unto me, man” and I’m all, like, “who are you? Stop bothering me. Go away.” and they’re all, like, “I mean it, man. You’re in for a world of peril cuz we’re not gonna be kept down by the dominant atheistic culture”, and I’m all, like…well, walking away because I don’t give a shit…. and then they go out late at night for drive-by proselytizing.

A big fan (Mike Sewell) of their website sent them some handy advice:


Pray to your gods wherever you want. Just don’t make me do it, or tell me about it. I don’t find it as interesting as you do.

Also, try not to pray in the middle of the street or in major throughways. A recent report has stated that traffic jams cost the Ontario public 4 billion per year in lost income, gas, etc. Delaying everyone isn’t very productive.

Please don’t pray in libraries, unless you do so silently. People are trying to read.

Prayer in subways or on major transit is not reccomended, neither is falling asleep. You should keep an eye on your belongings.

Depending on your job, prayer may not always be welcome there, either. For example, if you are a telemarketer or working in a phonce centre, asking your client if you can take 5 minutes to pray while they’re on the phone is not considerate. As well, if you’re an airline pilot or a bus driver, taking a timeout to pray may shake your passengers’ faith in your ability to drive.

Rules for praying in movie theatres follow the rules for praying in libraries.

Please to not stop to pray while filling your gas tank. People are waiting behind you.

Prayer in prison may make you a target for rape. Just saying.

Praying in the middle of class could get you kicked out, and rightly so. The prof needs your full attention.

If someone asks you if you could pray somewhere else, keep in mind what it looks like you’re doing. It appears that you’re talking to yourself, which can put a normal person at unease. At all possible, try holding a cellphone while praying. That will definitely help with the creepiness factor.

Also, if asks you if you could pray somewhere else, or not to pray, or says that prayer is stupid because you’re only talking to yourself, they are not persecuting you. Feeding you to a lion is persecuting you. Asking you to pray in your church or home is not. I, personally, enjoy singing showtunes. If I did it in the middle of a church, I wouldn’t feel persecuted if someone asked me to stop.

Please don’t tell non-religious people thay your praying for them or their souls. It’s silly. Plus, we all know it’s actually a veiled insult.

Your corpse nailed to a board is disturbing, and I don’t necessarily think kids should see it. Again, just saying. Worshipping it is all well and good, but don’t be surprised if other people feel the same way as I do.

Have fun with your website,

Mike Sewell

…and they asked that people pray for Mike.

I guess they missed that part about it being a veiled insult, them being fighters and not readers and such.

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....