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(AP Photo/Chris Pizzello)

Simpson, Lachey Officially Separate. Why ruin my T-day with this shite? 🙂

“After three years of marriage, and careful thought and consideration, we have decided to part ways,” they said in a joint statement released by their publicists. “This is the mutual decision of two people with an enormous amount of respect and admiration for each other.” [Translated: They can’t stand one another.]

The couple have been dogged by rumors that their marriage was in trouble — Us Weekly reported that they split in an Oct. 17 issue — but Simpson, 25, and Lachey, 32, brushed the speculation aside and insisted they were still together. [Translated: Her father/agent/master Joe was trying to milk the last dollar out of their union.]

In the December-January issue of Teen People, which went on newsstands earlier this month, Simpson denied rumors that the marriage was kaput.

“Hopefully mine and Nick’s story will continue for the rest of our lives, like what we vowed, through sickness and in health,” said Simpson, who famously professed that she remained a virgin until she got married. [Translated: I need a barf bag now.]

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Pam Spaulding

Pam Spaulding