Beyond therapy

Today we learned that James Lileks is the only person in America who can fuck up a Pop-Tart:

This morning I attempted to bring her into the ways of Cream Cheese; I’d purchased some Toaster Strudels with cream cheese filling, and built it up as a great taste sensation. I even promised to make a special pattern with the icing.

“What kind,” she said last night as I tucked her in.

“A zig zag pattern. With dots.”

“Great, daddy.”

This morning I got up before she did – rare, and welcome. She came down rubbing her eyes and yawning in the traditional fashion of the freshly-awakened urchin, and asked for a Toaster Strudel with a zig-zag pattern. I obliged. But. I tore the frosting packet incorrectly, opening a gash at the bottom (think Titanic) and this made precision application impossible. I had no choice but to smear the stuff all over with a knife.

“It’s not a zig zag,” she said.

“It’s impasto.”

“What?”

“It’s a schmear. It’s a schmear over the cream cheese instead of a schmear of cream cheese.”

“You’re not making any sense.”

“Eat it.”

Oddly enough, the

“You’re not making any sense.”

“Eat it.”

exchange is representative of over seventy percent of the emails between Jimbo and his readers….