CommunityPam's House Blend

Moving the 'homosexual agenda' forward

We are hard at work these days putting our plan of homosexual domination into motion, right? I cannot seem to go a day without coming across unhinged, bible-beating, closet-case individuals that are spewing stupidity in the name of god, country and procreation.

House Blender Joel dropped me a line with a few ideas and said I could share it with you all — since you’re a deep pool of talent, helping to fight AmTalibannery each and every day. He’s a man with a plan. Mwahahahahahahaha…

Dear Pam,

I’ve hit upon a plan to mimic the street outreach folks, the God Squad evangelicals such as Denny Green of Life and Liberty Ministries. [see the post “Convincing Reasons Homosexuals are Hellbound.”]

I’m in the midst of developing some literature to convert innocent (yet woefully lost!) heterosexuals to our way of life. We absolutely need more homosexuals, and I see direct, man-to-man (or woman-to-woman, of course) sidewalk proselytizing as the best means to accomplish this lofty goal.

The country hears it with great regularity from the pulpit: “those homos are out there recruiting!”. Well, I have taken it to heart and feel we need to make their fantasy into a reality.

With this literature (currently consisting of two-color one-fold leaflets: black and pink), I aim to reach their seething, confused sexuality and change it. Additional funds, if available, will allow even more eye (and sexuality) catching promotional pieces. I envision a rainbow of colors, with purple hues predominately featured in each piece.

Tentatively titled “Hey, Hey, Take the Gay Way”, I will endeavor to enlist an army of fellow homos to reach unsuspecting (and again, woefully lost) citizenry from Utah to Alabama. How can we leave these poor, wandering heteros to continue in their lives of bad clothing and hideous coifs and not feel a calling to make them whole – and presentable?

While in its infancy, I have a strong belief that a cadre of impeccably dressed boyz and flannel wearing womyn can propel this to a final goal of widespread and welcomed gayness. The US of A will be the go-to nation as a shining example of Architectural Digest homes and cutting edge mullet cuts (for the ladies, natch).

I welcome all interested parties in this program. Perhaps local troops can organize under a set of bylaws modeled on that fine and welcoming institution known as the Boy Scouts of America.

In Deep and Constant Homosexuality,

(any comic book aficionados out there, please step to the front and consider lending your talents to creating a superhero type duo…… a Batman and Robin-esque team of do-gooders who do makeovers for our converts)

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Pam Spaulding

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