Beating a homeless man to death
with a Jenna Jameson DVD

Lock. Box. 

First go read what jane has to say about the Porn Patrol. Go on. I’ll wait…

(hmmm hmm hmm hmmm Yeah My mind’s such a sweet thing… I wanna do everything …What a beautiful feeling …Crimson and clover …Over and over …Crimson and clover, over and over …Crimson and clover, over and ov–)

Okay, You’re back. Where was I? Oh yeah.

Now let’s jump to The Virgin Ben whom I will guarantee you has seen more porn in his twenty-two years than I have in my fifty:

The “objective” reporter for the Washington Post, Barton Gellman, promptly sought out FBI agents to critique the new program. “I guess this means we’ve won the war on terror,” said one FBI agent. “We must not need any more resources for espionage.” “Honestly, most of the guys would have to recuse themselves,” guffawed another. “It’s a running joke among us,” chuckled a national security analyst.

The jocularity of these agents is rather disturbing. Back in 1986, Attorney General Edwin Meese III declared that “it is still the case that the production of pornographic materials is a practice and a business that remains substantially ‘underground.'” Today, FBI agents joke about even bothering to police production and distribution of pornography.

Of course, it is pure malarkey for FBI agents to complain that policing porn takes valuable resources from the war on terrorism.

Before we get to our point, I want to ask: “How many 22 year-olds do yo know who use the words ‘malarkey’ and ‘jocularity’? Yeah. That’s what I thought too.

Back to VBen:

Plainly it is not governmental inefficiency these agents are worried about. They find the anti-pornography crowd disturbing because they believe that policing pornography violates fundamental rights. This has become the dominant view in our society: As long as what I do doesn’t harm you personally, I have a right to do it. It’s a silly view and a view rejected by law enforcement policies all over the country. Were we to truly recognize such a philosophy, we would have to legalize prostitution, drugs and suicide — as well as the murder of homeless drifters with no family or friends. After all, if someone kills a homeless drifter, how does that affect anyone else?(my emphasis)

Our first concern should be: doesn’t anyone at Townhall edit these things? I mean I can imagine the fresh hell that exists for anyone who has to read VBen, Doug Giles, and Mike Adams each and every week and the psychic trauma that looms before them as they hit the ‘publish’ button. But Jesus, that just doesn’t make any sense.

So our second concern should be whether they’ve lowered the standards at Harvard Law. I mean, is there another Harvard Law like in Wyoming or something? Maybe Harvard Law and Frozen Yogurt Shoppe down on Wabash and Third? Because I don’t know how Ben managed to pull off the LSAT.

Then again one of my neighbors has a degree in economics from Harvard and he’s a fucking tool. And not a fucking tool of the porn variety. You know… the good kind?

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....