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Blender goes 'picnicking with the patriots'

I love this. House Blend reader David reports in from Illinois, where the Repugs held a “Patriot Day Picnic” for those that couldn’t make it to Rummy’s little 9/11 “Freedom Walk” propaganda extravaganza over the weekend to get their dog tags.

To me, the Wheaton, Illinois bash sounded like it was the big pro-military war rally event to attend, since our leather-loving, AmTaliban investigator of man-love, Peter LaBarbera was one of the headliners scheduled to appear…

Peter recently did a lot of research at the bathhouse during his undercover work at the International Mr. Leather conference because he needed to educate his Christian audience about the inner workings of “a perversion center where men engage in despicable and dangerous acts with other men.”

You’ll recall that Miss Peter, founder of Americans for Truth and Executive Director of the Illinois Family Institute, specializes in “gathering evidence” on the deviancy of the homosexual male (he seemingly has no interest in lesbos). His selfless and tireless work is for his Christian brethren, ostensibly so that they can all pray with confidence that they are aware of what sins are being committed in the bathhouses and on Chicago’s streets.

I was disappointed to learn that LaBarbera was a no-show at the pro-family, pro-military rally. Maybe he was on another “investigation.” In fact, most of the self-anointed patriot politicians scheduled to grandstand and pontificate with the teeming masses didn’t show. Actually, the teeming masses didn’t show either…

Gee, it sounds like this Illinois wargasm was about as satisfying as the one in DC.

With that in mind, here’s what our dear reader David found at the Patriot Picnic, which he attended with his partner Paul.


Sadly, my partner, Paul and I were not able to attend the “America Supports You Freedom March” in Washington D.C. last Sunday, but we were able to attend the GOP-sponsored “Patriot Day Picnic”/war rally held in nearby, ultra-conservative Wheaton, Illinois.

The promoter promised the participation of several local Republican candidates, as well as a representative from Concerned Woman For America and — best of all –Peter (“I love the smell of leather in the morning”) LaBarbera, himself! My partner and I knew we couldn’t miss this exciting event and the opportunity to meet Leather Boy himself, so we put on our ACLU T-shirts and headed to Wheaton.

Upon arriving, we quickly surmised that the event had not turned out as well as expected. There were, at most, about 150 people there, mostly for the free food (Which sucked, BTW. I managed to get two bites out of a barbecue pork sandwich that looked like it had been made in a blender, and my partner forced down a Polish sausage and some melted ice that later gave him indigestion), with the crowd thinning down to less than 100 for the start of the (incredibly boring) speeches, and less than 50 by the end of the (incredibly boring) speeches. Most of the politicians, as well as the rep from CWA and Mr. LaBarbera were no shows.

We did get to see some clones from the Protect Marriage campaign who were fairly hostile to us, although one of the marriage-protectors promised to pray for us (Or is that “prey” for us? It’s so hard to tell with these people.)

Our biggest thrill was meeting Mrs. Illinois, who looked unhappy and bored. She was dressed in a very hot-looking (and not in the good way) dress and tiara, loaded down with a stack of unnecessary headshots. When I approached her and asked her if I could take her picture she seemed uncomfortable and confused but relented, anyway.

We were pleasantly surprised to learn that, not only was the turnout low, but there were other sane people (i.e., liberals), besides ourselves, in attendance. We met one angry young atheist liberal who was as surprised to see us there as we were to see him. We also met a nice gentleman who was a local Catholic peace activist who asked us to help him hold up his “Pray For Peace” banner during the speeches, and we were more than happy to oblige. We even managed to get interviewed by a public radio station, WBEZ, allowing us to express our evil, anti-war, Bush-hating views.

Oh, and another high point was the unintentionally hilarious life-size cardboard cutout of GWB that graced the stage, although I’m sure the irony of a cardboard president was lost on that crowd.

After the speeches were over, some bitter, aging war veteran came over to argue with us, but by then my arm was too tired from holding up the “Pray For Peace” banner to fight much, so we left that honor to the angry young atheist liberal and we split.

All in all, we had a nice time and felt that we somehow managed to make a difference. And I can’t think of a better way to memorialize 9/11 than by pissing off a lot of idiotic war-lovers.

David and Paul

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Pam Spaulding

Pam Spaulding