CommunityPam's House Blend

Blender applies for work in Turdblossom's office

House Blender Paul in SF has decided to infiltrate the Rove machine by submitting his own list of strategies sure to bolster those sinking Chimp poll numbers. I’m sure these measures are being put into place as we speak (my emphasis, and photo illustrations added)…

1. FEMA officials have banned any photos of the bodies of the victims of Hurricane Katrina. FEMA director Michael Brown explained that this policy is being put into effect to protect the privacy of the victims and their families. The news media will be kept at least 5 miles from any place where bodies are being collected.

2. The White House is reporting that contrary to rumors floating around the internets, Secretary Of State Rice was not shopping for shoes for herself while the Katrina tragedy unfolded. They say that she was actually buying a $3,000 pair of shoes to be sent to one of the victims of the disaster. “I know how much a new pair of shoes cheers me up”, she said. “When my husbaxxx president called on us to help, I knew just what would do the trick.”

3. The White House, in response to the revelation that FEMA Director Mike Brown and Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff, listened in on electronic briefings given by his staff in advance of Hurricane Katrina slamming Louisiana and Mississippi–and were advised of the storm’s potential deadly effects defended their lack of action by pointing out that the briefing talked about the upcoming storm in general terms and offered no plans or specific steps which needed to be taken.

4. In answering a storm of criticism based on the fact that it took 5 days for help to reach the affected area, while the press managed to arrive on scene within hours, White House spokesman Scott McLellan replied that this just underlines one of President Bush’s major points; “Private industry is always able to respond quicker than the government. The President will be introducing a measure in Congress soon to privatize FEMA. A no-bid contract is already being drawn up to be signed by President Bush which will hand over the Nation’s emergency response responsibility to Haliburton Industries.

5. The White House has announced that they have come up with a plan to house all of the evacuees by tonight. They say that the people left homeless by the storm will be housed in jails and prisons across the country. A spokesman added “According to statistics 80 percent of the kind of people left homeless already have spent time in a jail or prison. This will introduce them to an environment in which they are comfortable and bring a sense of normalcy to their lives.”

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Pam Spaulding

Pam Spaulding