The William Hung of paranoia

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Has anyone ever received more mileage from airing out their delusions than Annie Jacobson? Via World O’Crap we see that Lil Panickin’ Annie has managed to turn a plane ride into an actual book that people will read on planes who will then write books about their plane ride for people to read on planes and then…well, you get the idea.

Anyway, Annie has written Terror In The Skies where she recounts her horrible experience on a plane when she saw a horrible troll on the wing of her plane at 20,000 feet tearing at—Wait. Wait.

Sorry. That was William Shatner.

No. Here’s Annies Song:

Annie Jacobsen’s harrowing first-hand account of her flight with a group of suspected terrorists forces us to ask: Could 9/11 happen again? On June 29, 2004, Jacobsen, traveling with her family on Northwest Airlines flight 327, witnessed what she believed was a terrorist “dry run.” The blogosphere quickly made world news of Jacobsen’s article on her terrifying experience, launching her on a year-long investigation. In Terror in the Skies, Jacobsen tells, for the first time, the full story of the events on Northwest 327 and the investigation that followed. What happened on her flight, she discovered, was not an isolated incident, and if our air security does not improve, 9/11 is likely to happen again.


From her search for flight 327’s “Syrian Wayne Newton” to her testimony to the U.S. House Judiciary Committee, Jacobsen’s scrutiny of our air security makes the case for an overhaul of our security services. Many of the federal agents involved in the events of flight 327 have stood firm: nothing happened. But as Jacobsen shows, we can no longer afford to take nothing happened for an answer.

Now I’ll be the first to admit that the idea of being on an airplane with a

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Wayne Newton of any nationality makes my butt pucker like Ken Mehlman’s mouth but I don’t know if I could work a whole book out of that.

Not that this will keep Annie from cranking out a series of sequels.

Terror At Checkstand Four Annie Jacobsen’s harrowing first-hand account of her time spent in line while suspected terrorists write a check, forces us to ask: Could her coupons expire before she checks out? On July 17, 2004, Jacobsen, shopping with her kids at the Piggly Wiggly, witnessed what she believed was a terrorist “dry run” attempting to write a check with only one ID The people standing behind her quickly made loud sighing noises as they flipped through US magazine and wondered if they should have taken advantage of the five Lean Cuisines for $10. In Terror At Checkstand Four, Jacobsen tells, for the first time, how her two pints of Chunky Monkey started to soften and how she discovered later that the bagboy put the apples on top of the Wonder Bread making it kind of squishier than usual and how this was was not an isolated incident since the grocery chain broke the union and brought in unskilled foreign bagboys who are probably illegal and therefore terrorists.

Terror At Blockbuster Store #327 Annie Jacobsen’s harrowing first-hand account of her time spent in line at Blockbuster trying to check out SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2 while suspected terrorists argued about late fees because they returned Beaches two days late, forcing us to ask: will they have a copy of the Directors cut of Short Circuit? On May 22, 2005, Jacobsen, browsing with her husband at the Blockbuster at Euclid and Third, witnessed her husband glancing at a copy of the NC-17 version of In The Cut after mentioning over dinner that he “always wanted to see Meg Ryan naked”. Meanwhile terrorists were bothering the clerks every two minutes asking if anyone had turned in Napoleon Dynamite yet. Jacobsen tells, for the first time, how she got home and discovered that the DVD box did not contain SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2, but instead contained a copy of Fitzcarraldo probably placed there by terrorists or one of the employees, all of whom had smirked and rolled their eyes when she asked for the if they had a copy of The Wedding Planner

We’re still waiting for the synopsis of Terror At The Stairmaster At Curves.

I bet it’s a real page-turner.

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....