Blame it on the Clenis

As Perry White used to say, “Stop the fucking presses!”:

Before visiting the White House, Kate Darmody carefully planned her outfit. She bought a sundress from Ann Taylor. She put on a strand of white pearls.

And then she slipped on flip-flops to meet the president. So did about half of her teammates from the national championship Northwestern University women’s lacrosse team, invited to the White House last Tuesday after a 21-0 season.

She didn’t think twice about the footwear until she got an e-mail – in all capital letters -from her brother.

“YOU WORE FLIP-FLOPS TO THE WHITE HOUSE????!!!!” he wrote after checking out the picture on the team’s website.

Aly Josephs’ mother had the same reaction after seeing her daughter in the front row of the photo – the fifth person away from the president – wearing brown suede flip-flops with a skirt, sleeveless top and matching beaded jewelry.

“Don’t even ask me about the flip-flops,” her mother said when a reporter questioned her about the picture. “As somebody who is 52 years old, it mortified me. I don’t go out of the house without pantyhose on.”

One can only imagine how mortified Aly Josephs must be to have a mother who’s such a prig that she can’t leave the house without her Leggs on, like anyone would be interested in her 52-year old ass. Fuck it. Why doesn’t she just pack it in and get herself some flesh-toned-if-your-skin-color-is-mannequin-beige support hose and just call it a life. You would think that at fifty-two she would have learned that she can wear any fucking thing that she wants and that her response to concerns that her daughter was wearing “flip-flops” should have been, “I don’t really give a shit. I’m just proud of my daughter for being on a National Championship undefeated team. Now get off my lawn, dumbass. Did you actually graduate from J-school? Is this how you saw yourself ten years down the line, asking about White House flip-flops? Which one did you want to be: Woodward or Bernstein? Now if you’ll excuse me, your stupid fucking questions are keeping me from a pitcher of martinis a hot bath….Dumbass”

…and then there is this:

In today’s laid-back society, is there a distinction between ratty old flip-flops and ones from Neiman Marcus? Can they be worn at the White House, perhaps the most formal setting in the United States?

Shoe expert Meghan Cleary, author of “The Perfect Fit: What Your Shoes Say About You,” says no. In her chapter on flip-flops, where she weighs whether “to flip-flop, or not to flip-flop” for particular occasions, she would add a White House visit to the “not” category.

Thank god we live in a world where highly skilled investigative reporters can track down a person whose business card actually says “shoe expert” to clarify it all for us. A whole chapter on flip-flops?

It’s a strange world.

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....