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Unintentional laff riot: 'Real Men are Republicans: Democrats are Metro-sexuals'

What does it look like when someone tries too hard to cram as much sexism and homophobia into a blog post for attention? Take a look at this below. It’s by Will Malven of the Tin Ear/Men’s News Daily. You may recall that MND is a conservative site often aligned with the late Talon News Service, home to man-whore Jeff Gannon’s old reports. I guess I’m guilty for giving Malven attention, but it’s too good to pass up. I guess this is his way of offering advice to the Dems from the wingnut perspective. There’s a dick-wagging contest at play along with a complete sense of inadequacy in his bluster.

Please, Blenders, read with caution; you may fall out of your chair while laughing and hurt yourself.

It seems that the Democrat Party has become the party of whine and cheesy. America used to be a nation that prided itself with the can-do attitude. Self-reliance was embraced over government reliance. The plaintive calls of “I can’t.” and “It’s not fair.” were rarely heard from adults. Much as the legendary British “Stiff Upper Lip,” Americans had the “Stolid, Stony, Silence” of the self-reliant man. We have “progressed” from the rugged “Mountain Man” to the whiney, effete “Metro-Sexual” in a few short generations. Much of this has been the result of the policies of Quasi-Socialism set in place by the dominance of our government by the Democrats during the last century. This culture of don’t worry Uncle Sam will do it for you has stripped many Americans of their self-worth and independence. Reliance on governmental assistance has made a large number of Americans dependant people. America cannot afford to leave its security and future in the hands of an emasculated, directionless, Democrat Party filled with old, outdated ideals. John Kerry was the perfect representative of his party just as Al Gore was during the 2000 election. Their core beliefs depended on the latest opinion poll. Whither the wind didst blow, thither did they venture with their policies. Kerry’s vanity drove him to botox and the tanning booth, Gore’s to a woman advisor (Naomi Wolf) for instructions on how to be a man.

…These days, Real Men are Republicans. George W. Bush didn’t need anyone to tell him how to be a man he came by it naturally. I never cared one bit for those Democrats of old. They were ever a thorn in the Republican’s sides, and often didn’t give Republicans a fair shake, but you had to respect them. Those men stood their ground and loved their country. If the Democrat Party wants to survive the decade they better find their MOJO, because right now it looks like their candidates for president would be more appropriate vying for a Tony Award than for the position of Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces of the United States of America. Margaret Thatcher was a Real Woman, meaning that she was more of a Real Man then either Gore or Kerry, or even Clinton.

Hint to Democrats: Real men are forged by life not counselors. They don’t need to drive a giant 4-wheeler for appearances; they drive them out of need. They don’t drive a pick-up truck to look tough. “Image” is not important to real men, being genuine is. Being a real man is not an affectation, you don’t go to the local therapist to learn to be a man. You learn it by taking the hard knocks that life gives you, standing up, dusting yourself off, and getting back into the fight one more time. Gore and Kerry failed the Real Man test by trying to be something they were not. George Bush passed it by being himself. Real Men respect themselves and they respect others. Real Men talk straight and they do what they say they’ll do. If a Real Man gives you his word, you can take it to the bank. Example: Karl Rove did nothing wrong. I know this, because if he had, Bush would know and if he knew, Rove would be out instantly, because Bush said so. They don’t talk down to people, and they don’t make fun of them unless they’re in on the joke. If they laugh, they laugh with you not at you. If they like you they will rib you and tease you, if the don’t, they’ll ignore you. George Bush doesn’t respond to polls, because he already knows where he’s headed. In that, he’s just like Ronald Reagan. Oh yeah, and as to Bill Clinton, don’t confuse Narcissism, lechery, and amorality for manliness. It’s not machismo, just pathological.

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Pam Spaulding

Pam Spaulding