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One of the best celeb captions…ever.

Sorry for another Tom Cruise post, but he’s such a fun target. From SFGate’s Mark Morford:

Tom “Not yet as weird as Mel Gibson, but getting close” Cruise, sucking the skin from the face of poor, young Katie “I used to have a career” Holmes, while secretly passing on some glowing alien DNA via his magic Scientology-infused saliva.

The rest of the column is a hoot as well. A howling snippet that had me crying…

Note to Tom Cruise: You are maxing out. Wearing out the welcome. Becoming less the tolerable and moderately talented and mildly likable megastar and more like an itchy boil on the deranged ferret of popular culture, requiring lancing.

…It just feels like Tom is gearing up for something, doesn’t it? Like it’s no more Tom Cruise the cute kid from “Risky Business” or the hot gay stud from “Top Gun” or the chick-flick dreamboat from “Jerry McGuire,” but now it will be Tom Cruise, the bizarre Hollywood power player, the unstoppable, outspoken cult-head with a gleaming, glazed-eyed “wife,” proselytizing like a ferret and working hard to convert the masses.

It feels like this is all some sort of bizarre precursor to, say, 2015, when Cruise’s powerful production company suddenly whips out “The Passion of the Hubbard,” depicting the cheesy sci-fi hack writer and Scientology founder as the new Jesus, dancing with 75-million-year-old aliens and battling the evil overlord Xenu while busting “engrams” like water balloons and calling on the people of Earth to join him in the bunker so we may all join hands and look to the skies for the next big comet to pass by so we may leap from this Earthly plane and join the UFOs on their journey and . . . oh wait, sorry, wrong sect.

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Pam Spaulding

Pam Spaulding