CommunityPam's House Blend

Why did the tiger attack Roy Horn? Cuz it's a friggin' tiger!

Roy Horn and Montecore the tiger in happier times

House Blenders: “Radical” Russ is your barista for the next few days while Pam is on vacation for her anniversary.


LAS VEGAS – The tiger-was-hungry theory was ruled out. And there was no proof that the animal was deliberately provoked by someone in the audience, or that a terrorist sprayed it with a behavior-altering scent, or that it was unhinged by a woman with a beehive hairdo.

But federal investigators still do not know what led a Bengal tiger to attack illusionist Roy Horn of Siegfried & Roy during a performance nearly two years ago…. The case was finally closed late last year with no official determination of what set off the animal, named Montecore.

The 380-pound white tiger sank its teeth into Horn’s neck and dragged him off stage in front of a horrified audience Oct. 3, 2003, at the Mirage. The animal damaged an artery carrying oxygen to the magician’s brain and crushed his windpipe.

The mauling that left Horn, 60, partially paralyzed and ended the long-running “Siegfried & Roy” production, one of the most successful shows in Las Vegas history.

My own personal theory is that sometimes wild exotic carnivores kept in cages and forced to perform tricks under hot lights for the amusement of humans occasionally freak out and revert back to their genetic instinct.

In other words, it’s a friggin’ tiger!

I am, of course, saddened by Roy’s plight and offer my sympathies to Roy and Siegfried (and, for that matter, Montecore). On the other hand, I still reserve my right to be disgusted by the unnecessary exploitation of animals. Not as disgusted as I am with bullfighters or cockfight/dogfight promoters, though. Circus animal “trainers” rank somewhere in the disgust scale alongside bullriders and most other rodeo “entertainment”. It seems to me that in a 500-channel, PlayStation, extreme sports universe, the entertainment value of circuses and rodeos isn’t worth the animal cruelty.

But enough of what I think! Let’s see what caring sympathy the denizens of the Republic of Freeposlavia have to offer!

Actual Freeper Quotes™

Even tigers like fruit once in a while.

Because he caught him lion with his boyfriend.

It was his lion eyes.

Date rape.

He caught him with tell-tale signs of having Frosted Flakes for breakfast (Tony the Tiger) … and Roy said, “who you gonna believe, me or your lion eyes?” — which of course, enraged the tiger.

Let’s rule out some more possible causes. For instance, we can be pretty darned sure that Roy’s finger didn’t smell like fish…

The tiger probably got darn tired of his ass being caressed in giddy anticipation. Either that, or homos have an invisible shield of warding that only works with evil Republicans.

What is next, a congressional investigation of hate crimes by tigers?

The other thing the Freepi are caterwauling about (sorry, couldn’t resist) is how the USDA spent so much time and taxpayer money on the investigation, only to turn up absolutely nothing other than “cuz it’s a tiger”. Hey, folks, that’s the standard operating procedure in such circumstances and without the investigation, you wouldn’t have known if there was some other non-natural cause for the mauling. Now, I suppose if Montecore had been lying about receiving oral sex, then they could get behind the investigation…

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