CommunityPam's House Blend

The Bush Speech Drinking Game

President Chimpy wants to remind us that our War in Iraq is completely based on our justifiable response to a particular event in recent American history… how odd, I can’t remember which event that was…

House Blenders: “Radical” Russ is your barista for the next few days while Pam is on vacation for her anniversary.

Whenever I watch Chimpy giving a speech on television, I like to play a little drinking game*. I’m sure he’d understand, what with all the drinking games he’s played in his life (pretzel, anyone?). It also makes me better able to understand his strange diction. (Is it just me, or do y’all hear his wordsh shometimes shounding a little boozy?)

The rules of the game are pretty simple. Whenever Shrub says “9/11” or “September 11th”, it’s time to do a shot. For “Global War on Terror”, it’s time to chug a beer. It’s a fun game, because after his 96 words of introduction and thanks to the carefully crafted and shamelessly-exploited backdrop assembled soldiers from Fort Bragg, he’s not ten words into the opening sentence of his opening paragraph before I’m downing a shot of 100-proof Southern Comfort and chugging a Hefeweizen…

The troops here and across the world are fighting a global war on terror. The war reached our shores on September the 11th, 2001. The terrorists who attacked us — and the terrorists we face — murder in the name of a totalitarian ideology that hates freedom, rejects tolerance, and despises all dissent. Their aim is to remake the Middle East in their own grim image of tyranny and oppression — by toppling governments, by driving us out of the region, and by exporting terror.

Now, I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to chug a beer while repressing the audible guffaw elicited from such unintended irony of Bush decrying ideologies that “reject tolerance”, “despise dissent”, and aim for “toppling governments”, but it ain’t easy.

And of course, terr’ists are terr’ists. Extremists who hijacked airplanes and flew them into buildings are exactly the same people who fight back against an occupying force in their own country. Osama = Saddam. Iraq = al Qaeda. I believe they are called “they”, as in “they hate us for our freedoms”.

By the end of the show, I’d quaffed five shots of bourbon (and took a sip for each glancing reference to 9/11, like “Many terrorists who kill …[in]… Baghdad are followers of the same murderous ideology that took the lives of our citizens in New York, in Washington, and Pennsylvania.”) and four beers. It’s a miracle I can even type today.

My inebriation lowered my inhibitions enough to resort to shouting at the TV when I heard this:

Hear the words of Osama Bin Laden: “This Third World War is raging” in Iraq. “The whole world is watching this war.” He says it will end in “victory and glory, or misery and humiliation.”

I wouldn’t have to hear ANY of the words of Osama bin Laden if the m*therf*cker wasn’t running around free for four years!

(The drunken ranting continues over at Radical Writ…)

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