When I grow up, I want the world to chew me up and spit me out

Everybody else has had their shot at America’s Worst Mother&#153 this week, but I think we have to have a bit of sympathy for only son SpartaGus who will have to live with the equivalent of having his mother post pictures of him sitting on the toilet all over the internets.

A boy in a blue zip-up shoulder-to-knee sun-blocking bathing suit intercepts his mother half-way up the stairs. “I’m Oceanic Man!” he cries through the blue ski mask that obscures his features. “I can break tidal waves in half… with these!” And he holds up his hands, instruments of death, and tears dramatically at an invisible tsunami. “Snerggh!”


My husband and I are dutifully admiring them when Paris strides in wearing a large deerskin vest, khakis, and brown belt slung over his shoulder, bandito-style. “What are you,” I remark, “the dirt fairy?

“No, “ he says, scornfully. “I’m the imp of the trees. Obviously.”

It’s probably a good thing that Meghan is going to be home-schooling young Gus, because there are a bunch of middle-schoolers out there who are just aching to kick his ass.

Meghan is going to have to spend at least three years writing about Gus talking about nothing except “football and pussy” to obliterate the images of him playing dress-up.

Jesus. A “zip-up shoulder-to-knee sun-blocking bathing suit“.

It must suck to be him.

(More AWM&#153 here and here)

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....