I am here to give you millions in free publicity

Jeebus. I never thought there would ever come the day when I would defend Paris Hilton…or Carl’s Jr. for that matter. But I was pleased to see Carl’s tell the Parents Television Council to blow it out their ass just as soon as they remove the stick that is firmly wedged therein:

Hamburger chain Carl’s Jr. is making no apologies for its new Spicy Burger television commercial, which features Hilton hotel heiress and reality TV star Paris Hilton in a skin-tight swimsuit soaping up a Bentley and crawling all over it before taking a big bite out of the burger.

The ad, which has been running in major markets since last week, has drawn the ire of television watchdogs, including the Parents Television Council.

“This commercial is basically soft-core porn,” said Melissa Caldwell, research director for the PTC. “The way she moves, the way she puts her finger in her mouth — it’s very suggestive and very titillating.”

Then Melissa started squirming in her seat and moaning and licking her lips seductively as her skirt slid ever higher over her tawny thighs, her breasts spilling out of her red demi-bra causing her sensitive nipples to assert themselves against her silky blouse, her engorged blossom of womanhood…throbbing…throbbing with want and need–

Oh wait, this is Melissa Caldwell.

Never mind.

(Jane has a slightly different take)

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....