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That’s What I Get For Reading Roger Ailes

One of my daily stops in the blogosphere is Roger Ailes, who had a post last Friday on The Fifteenth Column, where he admitted he was “sworn to secrecy” about why he was asking but wanted to know everyone’s favorite right-wing nutjob columnists. I of course chimed in with The Virgin Ben. I also noted in the comments section that whoever had solicited Roger’s opinion had also invited that of Norbizness, who had no interest in participating.

Imagine how happy I am on Monday when I get an email from this guy John Hawkins of Right Wing News asking me to take part in the same survey of lefty bloggers! Oh man, I am certain I have made the big time now, I am right up there with the A-listers! Thanks to the likes of Norbizness they had to make their way down to the C-List, and that’s me but I don’t care, I’m just so thrilled to be nominated. So I go over to Roger’s blog again, look over the list of everyone’s suggestions, and decide to give the most weight to the truly dangerous, next to the bug-house crazy, and round it off with the just plain craven.

Novak? He’s gotta be on top. Peg-a-loon? Oh, she deserves a spot. John Fund? Twat. I actually wound up taking The Virgin Ben off, because I wasn’t able to find anything he’d written recently. I think TBogg put him out of business. So I quickly dashed off my list to Mr. Hawkins and looked anxiously forward to the list on Thursday morning, to see how my votes tallied with others:

1 Robert Novak
2 Jonah Goldberg
3 Ann Coulter
4 Kaye Grogan
5 Peggy Noonen
6 John Fund
7 Charles Krauthammer
8 David Brooks
9 Michelle Malkin
10 George Will
11 William Kristol
12 David Horowitz
13 Kate O’Beirne
14 Brent Bozell
15 Armstrong Williams

Now it’s Thursday morning and I’m really excited and I go to the site, where I’m sitting amongst A-list company like Seeing the Forest, Jesus’ General, Mahablog and the Agonist. Woo hoo! I’ve arrived. Then I look at the list:

14) Gene Lyons (10)
12) David Broder (11)
12) Arianna Huffington (11) — 1
10) David Corn (13)
10) Eric Alterman (13)
9) Christopher Hitchens (16) — 2
8) Bob Herbert (17) — 1
7) Maureen Dowd (23)
6) Michael Kinsley (24) — 3
5) Frank Rich (31) — 2
4) E.J. Dionne Jr. (33) — 1
3) Molly Ivins (36) — 3
2) Joe Conason (38) — 2
1) Paul Krugman (65) — 12

And I’m like, oh fuck. I chase back to the email (which I obviously never read) and they’re asking for “favorite columnists.” Period. The guy must think I’m just being a dick, so I send him an apology note, and he writes me back saying “I did think your selections were a bit odd.”

And you want to know the truly pathetic part? I have no idea who half these people are. Wing-nut lunatics howling at the moon? I’m all over it. Well-heeled, articulate defenders of the faith? Uhhh…not so knowledgeable.

Well in all truth it’s an honest list, because I’d much rather read about Peg’o’lies giving a spontaneous knuckle job to the Pope than just about anything. Note to Roger: I think this kind of abject fuck-up and barking stupidity should earn me a spot on the Enemies List, don’t you? If I have to wait until I come up with something brilliant, it’s going to be a while.

Update: YES!!!! Via Roger, I’m now on the Enemies List! WOO HOO!!! I think it’s only appropriate that I made it there doing what I do best.

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Jane Hamsher

Jane Hamsher

Jane is the founder of Her work has also appeared on the Huffington Post, Alternet and The American Prospect. She’s the author of the best selling book Killer Instinct and has produced such films Natural Born Killers and Permanent Midnight. She lives in Washington DC.
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