TBogg

Sure they’re plucked. But it’s a manly plucking…

We can’t go a Sunday night without checking in om Motel Messiah&#153 Doug Giles. This week, Doug sets the ball on a tee and dares us to whack it, and whack we do

According to a recent Washington Times report, American women are pig sick of the oversold and dandy metrosexual male imago. It seems as if the ladies are tired of dating, mating and watching these candy asses and, once again, are looking for a man whose masculinity is not in question.

Believe it or not, the girls are now lining up for men who …
• Are rough and ready vs. rouged and giddy,
• Are rugged and callused vs. reflexive and coifed,
• Are selfless and protective vs. fashionable and feckless, and
• Are into beer, sports and gadgets vs. buns of steel and spandex.

The decisively hetero girls are looking for some testosterone junkies who are not eating their gouda gift set but, instead, have mixed this smelly stuff with their stink bait and are using it to catch big catfish on the Chattahoochee.

God bless the women who are doing the Sadie Hawkins for guys who are low maintenance and easy going. Yeah … fine American lasses are righteously refusing the low yield, reflexively irate fops Hollywood has tried to cram down our culture’s collective throat. The girls have spoken and have said, No thanks, to the eye-brow- tweaked man. They have sent the metrosexual male back to Europe where he belongs, and, predictably, they have embraced the Marlboro Man.

[…]

Now, for all you Backstreet Boys who are wondering if, if, you are one of these metrosexual males from whom women, men and small animals are running, I’ve concocted a little test to help you shed your proclivities toward abnormality and begin to saddle up and ride in a more masculine direction. Are you ready? If you start to hyper-ventilate, just take a break and control your breathing. Here we go.

{…}

• You buy your shampoo at a salon instead of a grocery store,
• You take more than two, that’s two, minutes to fix your hair…

Ahem.

The eyebrows…the moussed hair…the pouty lips…the cranberry shirt that you know he didn’t pick up at Cabelas.

It also helps if you’re going to wear your Jose Eber hat that you have a dead animal nearby….

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