Now with the Jesus Stigmata&#153 Grip!

Great Talking Jesus! No really, it’s a talking Jesus doll:

A talking Jesus doll is due to go on sale in May, along with versions of Moses, the Virgin Mary and David, as a teddy bear maker tries to find a market with churches and religious families.

The foot-tall Jesus doll will be able to recite five Biblical verses at the push of button on its back, while the Moses doll will recite the Ten Commandments. The Mary doll will recite a long Bible verse.

Joshua Livingston, one of the original founders of Valencia, Calif.-based Beverly Hills Teddy Bear Co. has returned to the company to head its new Biblical doll unit, One2Believe. In the past, Beverly Hills Teddy Bear mostly manufactured bears and other plush toys on a contract basis for other retailers.
The first generation Jesus doll will reportedly say:

“Except ye become as little children, ye cannot know the meaning of Life, for your minds must be cleared of the falsehoods of this world if ye are to be taught the eternal Truth”

“He who standeth alone shall be with God; he who is with God shall stand alone”

“Behold, I have kindled a spark in this world and I shall nourish it until it blazeth up unto eternal glory.”

“Man is created to dwell in the Garden of Delights. All else is death. Find that Garden where the Father hath placed the fountain of Love and thou shalt live forever in bliss”


“Tom DeLay? Let me tell you what now. I’m gonna call a couple of hard, pipe-hittin’ angels to go to work on the “homes” here, with a pair of pliers and a blowtorch. You hear me talkin’ hillbilly boy? I ain’t through with you by a damn sight. I’m gonna get medieval on your ass.”

Meanwhile the Mary Magdalene doll appears to have not escaped centuries of bad press.

(Thanks to David for the link)

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....