Okay…so you’ve got this enormous erect penis that we’ll call “Goliath”…

No. This isn’t about Jeff Gannon. It’s about the honorable Del. Charles W. Carrico Sr., R-Grayson of Virginia, whom we have come to love (in a purely manly way) through the General’s blog. It seems that the beefy Chuck Sr. wants prayer back in schools because of a particularly emasculating episode that happened…it…seems…like…only …yesterday:

“There have been attempts to discriminate against Christians and take out ‘under God’ from the Pledge of Allegiance,” Carrico said in arguing for approval.

Carrico cited an example from his career as a state trooper as a reason the amendment is needed. He said he was asked, because he was a trooper, to talk to teenagers before a school prom about the dangers of drinking and sex. He said he used a David and Goliath analogy about overcoming challenges and was criticized for citing religion in a school talk.

For those not present at the pre-prom when Chuck Sr. was talking to the teenagers ( or who were there but were too busy snickering and making rude hand gestures involving a fist pumping up and down which is, like, omigaw, so immature) here is an approximation of the sex talk:

Yuh see…you got this little guy named David and he represents abstinence which is, like, when you don’t sex because you’re a virgin or you’ve been married for a coupla years and the wife has put on a few pounds and you mainly spend your Friday nights drinking beer and watching late night Cinemax and “polishing the baton”, if you know what I mean, and so, anyway, David is like this virgin. Then there is this guy named Goliath who’s like really huge and always gets his way like a girl who has lots of sex and guys will do anything for her if she’ll just touch their penis but first you have to take her to Cracker Barrel and buy her fries and a shake before she’ll get in the back of the squadcar with you..,and…where was I? Oh yeah, Goliath is sex and David is abstinence and usually sex is bigger and stronger than abstinence, but David was pure and he had this rock that he hit Goliath with and he won and that’s why they call it “getting your rocks off” because you shouldn’t have sex. Any questions?

So, anyone wanna touch my gun?

I guess you had to be there….

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....