Then again, Jesus didn’t have a monkey for a sidekick…

Motel Messiah&#153 Doug Giles spends another week butching Jesus up lest we start thinking that a thirty-something virgin who hung around with a bunch of guys all the time might be a little light in his sandals:

In Jesus’ first tape series, the Sermon on the Mount, He told His followers that He expected them to be salt, and that if they weren’t, then they were good for nothing. Yeee-Ouch! I know that doesn’t fit with postmodernism’s bearded lady Jesus, but these are the recorded original words of the rebel from Galilee. Yep … Jesus, in his wonderful word-picture way, essentially said to his apprentices, you had better rock and rock hard or you’re fired!


Jesus’ sermons were also saline-based. I have no idea how Christ’s words got turned into these non-offensive Rodney King-like pleas for group hugs. If you actually read the things He said, most of it involved busting someone’s chops. His brackish speech towards self-righteous hypocrites, His verbal scathing of cocky politicians and His forehead-thumping quips for his narcissistic disciples makes the Dennis Miller Show look lame.

We see that, by mentioning Dennis Miller, Doug has finally skipped his last cultural touchstone and has moved on to minor pebbles and occasional gravel. At which point we jump to his Clashpoint which observes that, to be an ass-kicking Christian, you need to heed Jesus’ command to go forth and be alliterative:

My ClashPoint is this: Man … do we need a group of believers who are not men-pleasers and who do not buckle to the demands of Generation Duh. When Christians, especially ministers, cease to be piquant provocateurs, then the villainous will fill the vacuum. Yes, I blame our world’s problems on the tame, timid, and tepid religious person who will not stand for what he supposedly believes when it means there might be conflict.

I do not blame Playboy, Las Vegas, the gay agenda, Air America, or whomever for our societal tooth decay. I blame the “righteous” ones who will not shamelessly proclaim truth in such a way that it is persuasive, provocative and preserving.

Because everyone knows that “piquant provocateurs” don’t “rock hard” like Doug who rocks like a righteous rocking rocker would really really rock…

See. I could never be a Christian.

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....