Are you ready to rock? Not really.

Everything you need to know to realize that the next four years are gonna suck like the 50’s never dreamed of sucking. Courtesy of Wonkette, part of the inaugural festivities:

Artist, Description

— JoJo, Pop/Top 40

— Hillary Duff, Pop/Top 40

— Ruben Studdard, Soul

— 3 Doors Down, Rock

— Boxkar, Rock

— Jason Sehorn, Athlete

And what are they calling this Bushapalooza?


No. No America is not going to “Rock Today” with JoJo, Hillary Duff, Ruben Studdard, 3 Doors Down, and Boxkar (who are only called Boxkar because And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead was already taken).

Can these artists rock?

Not fucking likely.

Here is what Boxkar has to say about itself on their own website:

Their songs have an appeal and realness of a Matchbox Twenty with a swagger of an Aerosmith.

Wanting to have the “appeal and realness” of Matchbox Twenty is like wanting to be funny like Bob Saget. After the inauguration I suggest a new name: A Flock of Wankers.

They can thank me later.

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....