Perhaps all those laid off will get a goodie bag with Total toothpaste from Colgate.

It’s so wrong, but it’s so the American Way. Merry Christmas, F*ckers. Colgate Executives Get Thousands for Perks (AP):

Colgate-Palmolive Co., which announced Tuesday it is eliminating 4,400 jobs, disclosed in a regulatory filing that many of its top executives and officers are given allowance of up to $11,500 a year to spend on anything from pet sitters to running shoes to karate lessons to movie rentals.

The plan, called “Above and Beyond,” was detailed in the consumer product company’s quarterly filing in November with the Securities and Exchange Commission. The program has been in place since 1986 and covers 800 executives.

Under the plan, executives and officers can ask for reimbursement for exercise equipment, such as rowing or skiing machines, instructional videos, grooming and boarding services for pets, pet walking services and sitters, and veterinarian fees and visits.

Twenty top officers are each eligible for an $11,500 yearly allowance. Between 110 and 120 vice presidents are eligible for $10,000 allowances and 650 executives are eligible for allowances of either $2,000 or $4,000, depending on their rank. Not every eligible executive uses their allowance, the company said.

The Associated Press came across the program while searching SEC filings from thousands of companies for information about compensation for the use of personal trainers and other perks. Few companies detailed programs as extensive as that of Colgate. A story was prepared on Monday, before the corporate restructuring was announced, but the AP held it for a day while waiting for the company’s response.

“Colgate has consistently tried to be fair and very modest in this distribution of any perquisites,” said a company spokesman who asked not to be named. “A total of 800 people in the ‘Above and Beyond’ program have access to a modest, fixed stipend that can be used for home computers, baby sitters, fitness training, tax assistance and other benefits that can make their lives somewhat easier.”

Pam Spaulding

Pam Spaulding