Goodbye John, Hello boobs

Now that John Ashcroft’s work is done and we are completely safe from crime or terror

“I take great personal satisfaction in the record which has been developed. The safety of Americans from crime and terror has been achieved.”

I say we welcome back the Boobs of Justice. Sorry, wrong ones. Here they are.

I’m sure Justice Clarence Thomas would applaud their return if he could only clap with one hand.

Meanwhile Friar Ashcroft has left the Supreme Court with a going away present:

The Bush administration asked the Supreme Court on Tuesday to block the nation’s only law allowing doctors to help terminally ill patients die more quickly.

The appeal from Attorney General John Ashcroft had been expected since May, when a lower court ruled the federal government could not punish Oregon doctors who prescribed lethal doses of federally controlled drugs.

Oregon voters approved the law, and since 1998 more than 170 people have used it to end their lives. Most had cancer.

The Bush administration has argued that assisted suicide is not a “legitimate medical purpose” and that doctors take an oath to heal patients, not help them die.

Which presents all kinds of implications considering Justice Rehnquist’s current situation. My guess is that Scalia will vote to allow assisted suicide out of concern that Rehnquist might return and find out that Antonin (also known as “Nino” to his friends, or “Sir” to Clarence Thomas) has already made off with Rehnquist’s prized red stapler as well as that Snicker’s bar he kept in the left-hand drawer, second one down.

Right behind that copy of The Turner Diaries. There. There it is.

Mmmmmmmm. Peanutty goodness….