When they find the big hairy feet, give me a call.

With the release next month of the extended version of The Return of the King (which features an additional 50 minutes of footage, including 27 more closing scenes where you think the frigging thing is finally over…but it’s not, goddamit) , I guess it’s just our luck that scientists recently found a hobbit-sized skeleton.

The finding on a remote Indonesian island has stunned anthropologists like no other in recent memory. It is a fundamentally new creature that bears more of a resemblance to fictional, barefooted hobbits than modern humans.

Yet biologically speaking, it may have been closely related to us and perhaps even shared its caves with our ancestors.

Forensic specialists were called in and, using one of the discovered skulls, they were able to recreate the appearance of the so-called “Homo floresiensis“. Anthropologists speculate that he may have vanished because the female of the species found him “unappealing, unattractive, full of himself and not much of a hunter and gatherer so much as a whiner and a kibbitzer.”

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....