Will work for (or with) boobs

I see Florida’s Tom Feeney (a man who traded his neck to Satan for some magic beans) is stepping up to the plate to insure we have fair elections and, you know, if I’m worried about fair elections the first place I’d go looking for help is Florida.

Rep. Tom Feeney (R., Fla.) is skeptical. He was speaker of the Florida House in 2000 and knows how important it is to address election-related problems early and not wait for Election Day. Mr. Feeney and 49 other GOP members of Congress have signed a letter asking the Justice Department to investigate if the coordinated protests violated any federal laws on protecting the rights to campaign and vote.
Rep. Feeney also says the Justice Department needs to let people know it is watching this election more closely than most. “We ask that you work with state law enforcement agencies in investigating a series of voting irregularities including forgeries in voter registration forms, casting simultaneous ballots in different states (double voting), and absentee voter fraud. Such activities disenfranchise those who properly register to vote and cast valid ballots.”

Now, to be fair, Feeney never said anything about counting ballots. That involves higher math skills and deadlines and stuff, which Feeney is not so big on:

The 2002 campaign brought together two key players in Florida’s 2002 presidential election recount, which resulted in Republican George W. Bush winning the state and the election over Democrat Al Gore by fewer than 600 votes. Jacobs, a Democratic activist, sued to challenge Republican absentee ballot applications. Feeney, as House speaker, pushed to have the Legislature name Bush electors and ensure his election regardless of how the recount turned out. Lawmakers dropped the matter when the U.S. Supreme Court stopped the recount with Bush ahead. A reporter overheard Feeney call Gore’s concession speech “evil” and deride the then-vice president as “a loser” while watching him speak on television at a Tallahassee restaurant. Feeney grudgingly apologized. “I was at a private party,” Feeney said. “I was joking around and I learned a lesson: When you’re speaker of the House, even dumb jokes become news. … I apologize to the extent my remarks offended anyone.” Feeney figures the recount will not be forgotten in his race. “The recount tends to motivate the base on both sides,” he said. “I think, obviously, it is going to be an issue for the faithful _ the Democratic faithful and the Republican faithful. It will be sort of a fascinating element, not the key element, but a fascinating element.”

…and who could ever forget this Feeney moment? (Scroll down to #6):

Why did Florida House Speaker Tom Feeney call a news conference last week to defend one of his top legislative aides against questions about her job? Well, to be honest we’re not really sure. But since he did, we thought we’d give you a bit of background on the 27-year-old policy staffer, Bridgette A. Gregory. Miss Gregory has no college degree, no technical experience for her job, and used to work as a waitress at Hooters. She is paid $55,664 per year. She can’t spell, including, in some cases, her own name. Her work duties have got nothing to do with her job description. Oh yes, and she’s apparently been working on Feeney’s congressional campaign from his Capitol office, which is illegal. But she has a lovely set of gams and according to Tom Feeney himself, is “underpaid.” That’s why he gave her a 13 percent raise last June in “appreciation for your exemplary work performance.” He added, “Oh, Miss Gregory, I think you dropped your pen.”

We don’t know if Ms. Gregory is still working for the Congressman, but we assume that he will be all business on Election Day 2004, and not busy, you know, dictating to the twins…

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....