James Lileks has a penis and he knows how to use it….
If a major newspaper is going to allow someone to nominate James Lileks blog as “Most Original” shouldn’t we just sneak up on America and smother it with a pillow like Randall Patrick McMurphy, since it’s obviously brain dead anyway? Here is some “original” blogging:
6:23 AM. Iâ€™m standing at the urinal when the hotel desk clerk barges in the bathroom. Heâ€™s a short old fellow with a big nose and thin hair plastered over a white bald pate; black vest, black-rimmed glasses. â€œMan,â€ he says. â€œWhenâ€™s the last time you took the load off?â€ He barged into the stall next to the urinal. Zip, hiss, a sigh of relief. â€œIâ€™ve been working since Friday!â€ he crowed. â€œCanâ€™t beat the tips. I love a good convention. Theyâ€™re drunk and happy and ten feet tall.
6:23:01 AM Iâ€™m awake in my bed, having been jerked from a dream by a stuffed-up nose. I stare into the dark as an impossibly rich and detailed world drains away, lost for good; all I can remember is the hotel â€“ it had all the trappings of a 20s hotel made over in the 60s â€“ and the building across the street, whose ornate carvings over the doors had been painted so many times they were barely legible. Time had not been kind to the Richards Building, I thought. And then it was all gone for good.
6:24 AM Get Kleenex, or rather Target branded tissues; drain; return to sleep.
We go from Jim standing at the urinal coaxing out the last few drops, to him sexually assaulting some tissues before drifting off into post-onan bliss in a mere two minutes ( a speed record Mrs. Lileks is probably all too familiar with). Now if Jim had regaled us with tales of playing tent-pole with the hotel room sheets…well, that would be “original”.
Otherwise it’s just the usual Jim jerk off…