Ain’t nothing’ but a houseparty
C’mon baby, dig that crazy soul

Last Saturday. Two of the worst parties. Ever. Thrown.

Contestant number one:

Phyllis Schlafly, queen of the conservative movement, reigned over her 80th birthday celebration Saturday with 450 friends, family and colleagues lavishing praise and thanks.

The high profiles of her well-wishers — Jack Kemp, Bob Novak, John Fund, Brent Bozell and Grover Norquist , among them — said as much about her drawing power as a conservative activist Republican as their tributes to a woman whose vast influence and deep understanding of political issues allowed her to take on any foe.


Mrs. Schlafly seemed little changed from her 1960s self in a poppy-red gown and double strand of pearls as she held court during a pre-dinner VIP reception at Arlington’s Marriott Crystal Gateway Hotel. A line of fans waited patiently to have their pictures taken with the woman who first gained national attention with “A Choice Not an Echo,” her best-selling — and self-published — book about 1964 presidential candidate Barry Goldwater, and then became even more famous for engineering the defeat of the Equal Rights Amendment and championing the Eagle Forum, the grass-roots organization that has elected countless conservative Republicans around the country.

After the Pledge of Allegiance, the singing of “The Star- Spangled Banner” and a steak-and mashed-potatoes dinner, the tributes began with Mr. Kemp’s teasing greeting to “fellow members of the ‘vast right wing conspiracy.’ “

Contestant number two:

SAT. [Michael Novak]
Kate O’Beirne–and Jim–hold the greatest parties. Kate did not forget those wonderful little pastries for dessert that I have tasted only in her house, the chocolate one to die for, the vanilla one merely exquisite. And it was really fun to meet so many readers and fans of NRO, and to listen to exciting observations and analyses from them, and get some questions and probings… I was, however, startled to meet so many fellow writers on NRO, whose names have become famous to me, but whom I’ve never met. Wow! are you fellow writers young! …I have seldom in my life felt so grandfatherly… And I do not think that marvelous Communist rendition that John Derbyshire managed with enormous aplomb and feeling actually was sung in Mandarin Chinese, as he said. It sounded to me like a dialect far, far to the South of that. But the Communist feeling was authentic. Especially if one imagines Communists as if they were actually in the cast of Les Miserables (Al Gore’s favorite show). John was heroic, and he alone would have made the evening…But everything about the evening was sweetened by the hostess and her welcoming, laid-back, happy ways. She does a party right. So that the conversation flew fast and furious. The drinks flowed, and the smoke soared skyward.

Pictures from party number two.

The only thing I can think of that is worse than putting on a suit to go to a party on a Saturday night would be….well, those curtains for a start. Who is Kate O’Beirne’s decorator and why hasn’t he been beheaded yet?

The pink walls…the black and white curtains. So that’s what it’s like to live in a Good N’ Plenty box.

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....