Stem cells…no. Big frigging missiles…hell yeah.

President T.J. ‘King’ Kong was in Pa. today promoting his Faith Based Rock’em-Sock’em Missile Program which will apparently save us from a missile attack as long as the evildoers don’t use mylar ballons or any other fancy-schmancy tricky stuff to sneak one past us.

Bush also spoke of his administration’s proposal for an anti-missile defense system, noting that Boeing was a major contractor on the project.

“I think those who oppose this ballistic missile system don’t understand the threats of the 21st century,” the president told applauding workers.

The president noted that last month Boeing engineers loaded the first missile interceptor into a silo in Alaska. He characterized that as the beginning of a national shield “that was envisioned by Ronald Reagan (news – web sites).”

Bush said opponents of the system are “living in the past. We’re living in the future. We’re going to do what’s necessary to protect this country.”

Let’s apply the Laura Bush Good Old Fahioned Common Sense Research standards to our interceptors:

First lady Laura Bush defended attacked her husband’s policy on embryonic stem cell research Missile defense Monday, calling Democratic rival John Kerry (news – web sites)’s criticism his plans “ridiculous” and accusing proponents him of overstating the potential for medical breakthroughs this unproven technology making the country more secure.

“We don’t even know that stem cell missile defense research will provide cures national security for anything — much less that it’s very close” to yielding major advances, Mrs. Bush said.


“I hope that stem cell research missile defense programs will yield cures make us safer,” the first lady said. “But I know that embryonic stem cell this research is very preliminary right now and the implication that cures for Alzheimer’s are making the country safer is just around the corner is just not right and it’s really not fair to people who are watching a loved one suffer with this disease depending on my half-wit husband to do one thing right after four years of miserable failure after miserable failure is just wrong.”

Mrs. Bush then downed her Harvey Wallbanger in one mighty gulp and went inside to watch Fashion 911…

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....