Maybe it’s because there’s no Syrian “Ruby (Don’t Take Your Love To Town)”

Heather Wilhelm (you may know her from Hamptons Country Magazine…then again, maybe not) has an incipient case of the Lil Annie Panic jitters:

Nour Mehana, the “Syrian Wayne Newton,” has finally hit the big time. After days of fevered speculation, Mehana has been outed as the mysterious Syrian music-maker who, along with his band, set Northwest Airlines Flight 327 into a tizzy over a feared terrorist “dry run.”

For many, this discovery was a massive relief. In fact, one look at Mehana’s publicity photos set many minds at ease. This man, a terrorist? A man who sings with a goofy Syrian band, plays in shady casinos, and has a cheesy porn-style mustache? That silly woman Annie Jacobsen! Aren’t we all so silly and paranoid?

Mr. Mehana has a nice little song on his recent CD, by the way. It’s
called “Um El Shaheed.”

In English, that’s “Mother of a Martyr.”

Gasp! Tell me more….

Since martyrdom seemed an odd topic for a casino crooner, I called the Middle East Media Research Institute. I spoke with Aluma Dankowtiz, who is fluent in Arabic, to find out exactly what Mr. Mehana has to say.

“Mother of a Martyr” glorifies the death of a young Palestinian. Mehana sings to a grieving mother that she should not be sad, because her son, who died as a martyr, is a hero. She should be happy that her son is gone, Mehana croons, because freeing Palestine and the Golan Heights are heroic goals. The song, which starts slow and solemn, ends with a triumphant chorus, celebrating the martyr’s gloriousdeath: “Allahu Akbar…Allahu Akbar…Allahu Akbar!”

Feel better? Somehow, after “Mother of a Martyr,” that Wayne Newton porn- style mustache becomes slightly less comforting. Hey, is anyone ready to jump onto a plane with Mr. Mehana and his wacky band?

Because everyone knows that singing a song about a martyr will eventually make Mr. Mehana become a martyr himself in much the same way that Bob Dylan became a elderly black woman after he sang about The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll. It’s that slippery slope thing they’re always talking about.

But let’s get back to Heather:

Nour Mehana is, apparently, a religious man; according to one website biography, he spent his pre-singing years reciting the Holy Koran. And if “Mother of a Martyr” is any indication, Mehana also supports the Palestinian intifada–and, along with it, martyrdom doctrines.

“Mother of a Martyr” does not, in any sense, prove that Mr. Mehana is involved with terrorists. It does not mean that he was making a dry run on Flight 327. However, it does suggest that Mr. Mehana embraces certain ideals of martyrdom–similar to the very ideals that drove the 19 hijackers into the World Trade Center.

You see one thing just leads to another. Mehana read the Koran and then he sang the song which must obviously lead him to support the Palestinian intifada and probably the 9/11 hijackers too because he hates our freedoms (just like they did!) particularly our God-given freedom of speech that allows preppy little Ann Coulter-wannabes to go online and accidently reveal their inner Bull Connor.

So, you see, he really shouldn’t been on that plane. Or, at the very least, he should have been made to sit in the back.

So there…

(Home study: Discuss Heather’s fascination with Mehana’s “cheesy porn-style mustache” and what implications this may have for John Stoessel. as well as how she knows so much about porn mustaches…)

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