We will fear nothing…except that…and maybe that over there. And that other thing over that kind of creeps us out….but ‘no fear’, you hear me? No fear!

Doug Giles, he of the tortured analogies, doesn’t seem to understand the concept of “No”.

As patriotic Americans, our response should be threefold.

1. Live in “No Fear” of them. We cannot bow to their threats. We cannot be crippled in terror of the terrorists and subsequently be reduced to timidity, slavery and isolation. It’s time “We the People” embrace the motto of the Xtreme sport junkies with respect to their radical pursuits, and make it part of the posture of how we live our lives in the face of danger: “No Fear.”

But then he says:

2. Live Constructively in Fear. I’m not talking about the fear they wish to induce, but a righteous caution, a heightened sense of discernment that will assist us tremendously and reduce their success rates drastically. We should live with a healthy dose of suspicion. We should walk in wisdom and in caution, and pay attention to someone or something that alarms us.

Whoa there, hip-Christian-youth-preacher dude. How can I live in “No Fear” and live in “constructive fear” at the same time? I am, so, like, not totally getting this particular Clash Point.

No wonder kids are, like, all confused and stuff these days….

Additionally Rev. DougieG. calls for vigilance against “18-40 year old Middle Eastern males who live in the U.S”:

We’ll suspect all 18-40 year old Middle Eastern males who live in the U.S.. How’s that? We’ll help our intelligence agencies know their whereabouts. And we’ll be especially concerned about the more than 114 thousand illegal Middle Eastern male immigrants. We’ll make it ridiculously difficult to immigrate from nations that support terrorism.

Because we now know that 18-40 year old Middle Eastern males are a much greater threat to you and me than, say, someone who sells drugs to our kids or breaks into our houses.

And now for a selection of this weeks Dougisms:

The terrorists would love nothing more than to keep us trembling before their heavily bearded, wild-eyed, non-prophetic, violent maledictions.

Come on, America: we’ve got to stay on the offensive. Play as smart and hard as Michael Jordan did, and do it until we’ve thoroughly outfaced the brow of their bragging horror.

We will not live in dread of terrorists, but of things that are holy, just and good … and that we dare not lose. We will be on the look out and we’ll wail like a stuck hog when we see something awry. And terrorists, you can bet your last camel that we will let this new fear serve the purpose of ridding our nation and other freedom-loving nations — yes, the entire planet — from fearing you!

Is it just me, or does that last passage sound like Bluto’s big speech (“Oh, we’re afraid to go with you Bluto. We might get in trouble.”Well, just kiss my ass from now on! Not me. I’m not gonna take this! Wormer, he’s a dead man! Marmalard, dead! Niedermeyer . . .) towards the end of Animal House?

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....