The focus group isn’t getting “Clashpoint”. They prefer “Ramblings From A Former Thief and Drug Dealer Who Works the Royal Palm Ballroom”.

You’ve just got to love Doug Giles who has that “hip-hop happenin” Christian youth leader vibe down pat. You know: he’s “cool”, he’s “keepin’ it real”, he’s “been there, brutha”, he’s a big fake who doesn’t really want to work anymore now than when he was dealing dime bags from his backpack in metal shop. So he went out and got himself a schtick: muscular Christianity with a whiff of provocation. And so are born his “Clashpoints” with their trying-way-too-hard analogies:

The times in which we’re living are darker than Rob Zombie listening to the Insane Clown Posse in Jimmy Page’s dungeon

(Get it? Three generations of music. Kewl.)

…to, well, I guess this is supposed to be funny:

Heck, before he was elected President, people were saying that choosing between Bush and Gore was like choosing between listening to your sister’s first clarinet recital or watching Janet Reno floss.

Um. Okay. Sure.

And lest you think he’s just some kind of religious huckster only interested in peddling Clash merchandise to a Godsmacked public, well, shut your mouth you non-believer you, he does have an official church found here.

And remember: the pool closes at 10PM…. and no running or Jesus will smite you and not bring you extra towels..

(Don’t you just wish that Joe Strummer would come back from the dead and kick Giles’ ass for ruining a perfectly good name?)

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....